


Imagine Me and You

by Etbien



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Alternate Universe, Cheating, F/M, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:15:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24199582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Etbien/pseuds/Etbien
Summary: David owns a flower store and does the flowers for Patrick and Rachel’s wedding.Patrick is marrying Rachel, but he’s pretty sure that he’s making a big mistake.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose, Patrick Brewer/Rachel, Stevie Budd & David Rose
Comments: 37
Kudos: 213
Collections: Reel Schitt's Creek Prompt Fest





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [sonlali](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonlali/pseuds/sonlali) in the [Reel_Schitts_Creek](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Reel_Schitts_Creek) collection. 



If he has to pick (as if there's anyone interested in his choice), David thinks he’d say it was the name he hated most of all. Rose Garden was so horrific, he thought about changing it every single time he had to see it written out (even worse when he had to say it out loud) but changing the name of a known business was probably not the best decision for its new business owner. Probably.

He finds he had plenty of time to ponder these things while he sat in his shop, rearranging displays and checking on the flowers. He’d grown up coming here every summer, staying with his grandmother for months at a time while his parents traveled. Sometimes Alexis was with him; more often she was staying with friends or at a summer camp (something she maintained was thrilling but to David had seemed like a fate worse than death and he'd avoided it at all costs). When his grandmother passed away, she’d left David the shop. He hadn’t thought much about it. He was too sentimental to actually get rid of it, so he’d hired someone to help run it while he lived in New York. When his family lost almost everything, the ridiculous flower store was all David had.

So now he lives in Toronto, in his grandmother’s tiny apartment that stood over the shop and is full of her old furniture. He'd gotten rid of her knicknacks and clothes after moving in but he kept her books and pots and pans, and then he'd run out of energy and money for redecorating. It was mildly embarrassing, living with her floral wallpaper (she'd really liked flowers) and ugly couches, but it could be worse. At least he lived alone, unlike Alexis, who was staying in the small apartment that was all his parents could afford now. Thank God it was outside the city, too; imagine if he had to see all three of them every day.

Okay, seeing them every day might be better than before, when honestly a whole year could go by without David seeing any of his family members. Alexis had always been more popular than David, but even she found most of her connections were severed when she no longer had access to a private jet or unlimited funds for traveling and partying. Sometimes David wasn't even sure if she really missed their life before. He wouldn't admit it to anyone, not even Stevie who was probably his best friend, but David didn't miss a thing. Well, maybe his old apartment. He'd rescued his clothes but that was about all he had left from that time.

And again, thank God the apartment was as shitty as it was, because Alexis hunug around the shop too much as it was, flirting with customers and doing an annoyingly good job at upselling them on the lotion David had started stocking, or the handmade vases he'd found from a potter he'd met through his old gallery connections.

Today Alexis was back home with their parents, working on a class for her fucking high school diploma that she’d somehow never got in the first place. She’d started taking classes online and the whole thing was completely ridiculous and David has to twist his entire face to stop himself from smiling when he thinks about his sister.

He hasn’t had a customer in an hour so he decides that he can probably take a short break. David doesn't make nearly enough money to hire anybody else, so when Alexis is absent, he texts a lunch order to Stevie who works at a cafe across the street. Cafe Tropical is close, cheap, and the food is moderately edible at best, but it holds a lot of nostalgia for David. He’d eaten there almost every day with his grandmother whenever he’d visit as a child. Now it's owned by somebody’s niece, maybe, a strange woman named Twyla who could give even Alexis a run for her money when it came to strange and unsettling strories told in an oddly upbeat tone.

After eating there three times in a row when he first found himself dumped in Toronto, David had even made a friend of Stevie, one of the waitresses there. His only real friend here in this city. Maybe the first real friend he's ever had. She's sarcastic and cold, but that’s exactly what David likes. Anyone earnest or kind makes him want to shiver out of his skin and disappear. Steve was never earnest and she hid her kidness beneath layers of teasing and pointed comments. She's one of David’s favorite things about Toronto, but he'd rather die than ever admit that to her. Stevie would probably rather die than hear it.

 _Can I have a blt?_ He texts now, pulling out his phone. Stevie refuses to actually bring him the food (David has been arguing this for weeks), but since he isn't about to close up in the middle of the day (at least not every day... it has been known to happen before) she’d get his order ready for him. Usually. Now she texts back an eye roll emoji and then a second later, _10 min_ , which David takes for agreement.

He’d had an accountant look over his books when he started actually working here. The store does okay, which was shocking enough on its own. Not quite well enough to hire anybody else but he wasn’t actively losing money, which was a relief since David knew literally nothing about running a business. It was embarrassing to think about how long it took him to find out about his parents and his gallery in New York, but that was over now. He just wishes he could have learned what he was doing back when he had more of a safety net. He also wishes he could hire somebody else to stand in his shop and deal with people while he makes everything look pretty and astonishes people with his artful floral creations.

Fuck, as long as he's wishing, David wishes that he didn’t have to talk to anyone, ever, and that he could afford to hire somebody to look at his numbers all the time, not just every once in a while. Or, God, he wishes that he could bring his gorgeous apartment here, with all his old furniture and especially his old, comfortable bed. But. David glances at his phone. It's been ten minutes, close enough, so he locks the store, puts up his stupid little “be right back” sign and dashes across the street.

“Thanks for taking the time out of your busy day to physically come and get your own food for yourself for once,” Stevie deadpans as he opens the door to the cafe. David rolls his eyes.

“You’re welcome for all my business,” he says snarkily.

“David!” Twyla looks far too excited to see him, considering he's in here basically every damn day. “I have a favor to ask you!”

Ugh ugh ugh. David tries to make himself look interested in this horrifying prospect, but judging by Stevie’s smirk, he’s failed miserably. “Mmhmm, what?” He's aiming for noncommittal, although it's hard to imagine what sorts of favors he could grant people nowadays.

“So it’s for my friend Rachel, really. We met in college and she’s the best. She’s getting married next month and her florist just bailed on her wedding - I think they like moved or something? It was very sudden - and now Rachel needs a new florist and I told her maybe you could step in?”

I mean. That's barely a favor. That's literally David's business, and a month is plenty of time for him, as long as he can meet with this Rachel person soon. “Um, yeah, I can definitely do that,” he begins, before realizing he should at least check. “Wait, what date is the wedding?”

“August 22,” Twyla says, which is nearly exactly a month away and doesn’t ring any bells so it should be fine.

“That will work,” David knows he sounds sort of grudging but part of him is dreading to think what kind of strange wedding one of Twyla's friends would plan. But business is business and that’s what matters, so he nods again. “Can she come in soon?” He asks, finally taking his BLT from Stevie and getting his change.

“I think she can come in today?” Twyla pulls out her phone and swipes on it for a minute. “Oh in like two hours? She’s pretty busy with work but she’s very organized. You’ll like her,”

“Mm,” says David as noncommittally as he possibly can. He has to get back to his shop so he put his sunglasses back on and heads for the door. “Yep,” he mutters as Stevie smirks at him again through the glass.

*

The thing is, he’s met Twyla’s friends before and heard her many weird stories, and Rachel really isn't anything like he expects. She's cute and petite, with long red hair and perfect skin, and she is definitely very organized. That much is clear as soon as steps into David's shop. All in all, she seems far too normal for Twyla. (David was definitely expecting to be planning a wedding with someone more like Tennessee, Twyla's very strange friend who did something with pinecones and really, that was an awkward night out with Stevie and Twlya and David has repressed the whole thing as best he can.)

Rachel pulls out some lists and pictures on her phone, and David shows her some arrangements he’s done before. They scroll through the Pinterest board Rachel had set up, and basically it's David’s dream client meeting because Rachel knows what she wants (white and blue and maybe hints of green) but doesn't mind letting David come up with the specifics. Except that after they’ve discussed all that, Rachel lingers, looking around the store and lightly touching various flowers.

“So how do you know Twyla?” David finally can't help himself.

Rachel laughs. “We met in college. We had a class together and she was hilarious. Really different from everyone I knew. I was premed, so she was like from an entirely different planet to almost everyone else I knew,”

“Oh, wow. So you’re a doctor?”

Rachel shrugs a little. “Yeah. I’m a pediatrician. I always thought I’d like, work for Doctors Without Borders and travel all over, but here I am. Working terrible hours and getting married and staying in Toronto probably forever.”

Ugh. It's just so much. This is the part that David hates, where strangers tell him details about themselves because he's getting involved in something intimate in their lives (like a wedding or a christening or, ugh, a funeral) and that must mean he wants to know more. He can feel his entire body tensing up and he knows he's making a face. He forces himself to relax.

“Wow, hmm, um, that’s....a lot,”

“Sorry,” Rachel laughs again. “I’m not unloading, I swear. I’m excited. And I love Patrick a lot. I don’t think I could handle all this wedding stuff if it was with anyone else,”

Ugh. That's a lot, too. Rachel was born earnest and kind and David somehow sort of likes her anyway. Likes that she’s laughing and doesn't seem to be offended at his inability to discus human emotion in any way.

“That’s sweet,” he says lightly. “Seems like a good sentiment for entering a marriage, not that I have much personal experience in that area,”

“Oh? You’re not married?”

“God, no. Imagine? No. I think my longest relationship was five months and he spent three of those in rehab,” David shudders, remembering Marc. God, what a mistake.

Rachel laughs again and then brings up pricing and God, David really likes her. He hates bringing the conversation around to money, but Rachel does it straightforwardly and with a little spreadsheet budget thing open on her phone. Adorable.

Then she's gone and David texts Stevie to let Twyla know it worked out with her friend. A few minutes later there's another customer, one of his regulars who likes to get flowers every week for her husband’s grave, and ugh, this is everything Davis hates about his store because he actually knows that little fact about Mrs. Holder.

*

He sees Rachel again twice in the next few weeks to finalize floral plans. She's sharp and funny whenever they meet, joking about how her attitude is to get through the wedding day itself so she can just enjoy married life, and telling him about their travel plans. She and her fiance (David is fairly certain his name is Patrick. Maybe Peter. No, definitely Patrick) are putting off their honeymoon for a while. Something about work and finances and budgets and traveling in the spring instead.

“I mean; that’s very cute and responsible,” David teases her. “If I was getting married, a honeymoon would be like the first thing I planned,”

“Where would you go?” Rachel is poking around the store again, all their spreadsheets and photos put away.

“Florence. No, Vietnam. No, Japan. Definitely Japan,”

“Are those tour top three must-sees?”

“Japan is always my favorite destination. It’ll be a while before I can afford that kind of trip again,” David replies offhand, while something tightens in his chest as the truth of his words sink in. Japan is expensive. “Where do you guys think you’ll go?”

“We can’t really decide. Another reason it’s best to put it off. I’ve always wanted to see Europe. Maybe Prague or Vienna?”

“Oh, great choices. Vienna is gorgeous and Prague is so much fun...” David remembers a party in Prague, god, like five years ago now. Imagine telling that David he’d end up running a flower store and daydreaming about honeymoons. He can just picture his face if he'd known.

“But my fiancé wants to go backpacking. Or maybe do a road trip across the country,”

Okay, speaking of faces. David knows his mouth is making a ridiculous shape. “Your fiancé wants to go _camping_ and _hiking_ as a honeymoon? Like, with tents? And no shower?”

Rachel laughs at that. Her face is half fond, half exasperated. “Yeah. Well, Patrick is very practical and he loves camping,” she says, laughing again as David squeezes his eyes shut and shudders. “He’s sweet, he’s just not very romantic,”

“I mean. Aren’t honeymoons kind of about sex? And sex outside really isn’t as hot as it sounds, in my experience,”

Rachel just kind of smiles at that and blushes and David knows he’s gone too far. “Oh my God, am I talking about sex with a customer?” He groans, only slightly exaggerating his horror. “I’m so sorry; that’s so inappropriate,”

Rachel is grinning at him, much more genuinely now. “That’s okay,” she shrugs, but then she asks him about the jars of lotion he has lined up by the windows, so they move on to David explaining how gross your hands can get when you work with dirt all day (which isn’t exactly what he does) and how important cuticle care is. He’d found the lotion thanks to Alexis and a little farmer’s market she'd found on Instagram and dragged him to one weekend.

Rachel buys a jar before she leaves, waving goodbye as she tucks it into her purse. Her face is still a little pink and David puts his hands over his face, wondering for the millionth time what is wrong with him and why he can never interact normally with anyone.

*

Rachel’s wedding is a week away when he sees her again. He’s sitting in the cafe, thinking about what to order for dinner, when somebody taps his shoulder and he jumps.

“Sorry!” It’s Rachel and she’s laughing, of course. She's always laughing. Probably a result of her impeding nuptials, David imagines. David gives her a tiny smile, twisting the corners of his mouth because he can’t help it. It’s August, and it feels like death outside, everything far too hot and humid. Rachel has her hair tied up and she looks adorable. “Hey David, you can finally meet my fiancé!”

David realizes there’s a guy standing awkwardly behind her, wearing a baseball cap. His hair is too short and nobody should ever wear a hat like that, but he’s cute anyway. Cute and wholesome just like Rachel, with these ridiculous giant brown eyes. David is about ninety per cent certain he’s never found a guy in a baseball cap cute before, but apparently that’s happening here. He’s also never really found an about-to-be-married client cute before, other than in a general, adorable way, like Rachel.

“Patrick, this is David, who’s doing the flowers for our wedding. David, this is my fiancé, Patrick,”

“Hey, man,” says Patrick easily, leaning forward to shake David’s hand. His own hands are very unimpressive, and he could definitely use the lotion David sold Rachel last week, but somehow David doesn’t care. No, he doesn’t care, he reminds himself firmly, because this guy is engaged, and he’s engaged to Rachel, and they aren’t just customers, they’re customers David likes. So he definitely, definitely shouldn’t be as weirdly interested as he suddenly is, but his mine goes strangely blank as Rachel asks if he’s waiting for anyone or if they can join him.

“Um. That’s fine, I guess,” he shrugs and wonders how long this weird dinner will last. Hopefully long enough for Patrick to say something awful, maybe about how camping makes a good honeymoon, so David can stop thinking about his hands. And his shoulders. He tells himself this firmly, several times, as Rachel and Patrick slide into the booth across from him and Patrick rolls up the sleeves of his ugly blue dress shirt and David tries not to spend too long looking at Patrick’s forearms. He looks around wildly for Stevie, not sure if he wants her to witness David’s distress or not. With Stevie, things can go either way.

****

It’s been a very long day when Rachel insists they meet at Cafe Tropical for dinner. Patrick enjoys the cafe. The food isn’t very good, but it’s cheap, and it’s also always full of weird regulars who always strike up the strangest conversations. He still hasn't really recovered from the time Roland talked to them about role playing Meryl Streep movies with his wife for over an hour one night, but usually, the customers fall more into the hilarious category than disturbing (Roland is always an exception). Patrick just isn’t sure he’s in the right mood for it today. He’s tired, and he feels like he wants to sleep for a hundred years, and also maybe like he never wants to leave his office. But Rachel texts him three times in a row, and she’s done with work early, which is very unusual for her, so here they are. And David is somehow just as strange as anyone else he’s encountered at the cafe but also like nobody Patrick has ever met before. He can’t really describe why.

Right now, he and Rachel are talking weddings, and David is telling his top five horror wedding stories, as requested by Rachel.

“Wait, like, any wedding I’ve ever attended or just in a professional capacity?” David also doesn’t talk like anyone Patrick’s ever met. His voice is soft and lilting but also kind of loud. How anyone can go from soft to loud so quickly is a mystery. He’s also gesturing expansively with his hands as he talks, and everything about him is making Patrick smile. He somehow doesn’t feel nearly as tired as when he walked in here.

“Are they different?” he asks and David makes a face, twisting his mouth up and furrowing his eyebrows. He’s never seen anyone with eyebrows as dark and heavy as David, and he doesn’t think he’s ever seen anyone quite so striking before either.

“Well, yes? Because I was once at a wedding where my sister held up the entire thing because she was a bridesmaid but she decided she should lock herself in a closet with a groomsman before the ceremony, instead of waiting until afterwards like any normal human being. And that was extremely mortifying? Like for everyone...” David’s entire face seems to twist as he remembers that, and it probably shouldn’t be cute, but it really, really is.

Then David’s telling some story about a wedding where the bride really wanted her cats involved, and how that went exactly as you’d imagine. Patrick can’t stop smiling and when he hears Rachel laugh he feels the strangest sense of guilt. Like he’d sort of forgotten she was there.

Rachel starts telling a story about a wedding they went to last year, and Patrick was there and he knows the story so he’s not really listening. He’s staring at David, and the way his dark hair is sort of swooped up over his forehead, and the way actual dimples appear as he gives this little half smile to Rachel’s story. David’s wearing a grey sweater with little black birds over it, and Patrick’s eyes keep running over David’s arms and shoulder and neck and he can’t even say why. It's the middle of August and deathly hot outside but David's wearing a sweater and it's weirdly charming.

They’re interrupted by Stevie, who stands by their booth with a pad of paper and a bored expression. “So what’s this, some kind of new throuple for you, David?”

“Wow, okay I don’t think nearly enough time has passed for us to joke about that,” snaps David, glaring at her. Stevie smirks at him. “Do you really not know Patrick and Rachel?”

“Oh, no, I do. It’s just the way you’re sitting, it’s like they’re interviewing you for some kind of threesome,”

Rachel laughs but Patrick somehow can't. It’s like his entire body is on fire. David makes another horrified face and snaps, “that’s disgusting. I hope you’re this professional with everyone who comes in here,”

Stevie laughs now, too. “Sorry,” she says, but it’s more to Patrick and Rachel than to David, who still looks furious. “What’re you having?”

They order, but Patrick can barely hear. It’s like all he focus on is the blood rushing through his veins and as David hands his menu to Stevie with a very sarcastic, “best wishes”, Patrick suddenly finds himself staring at David’s hands. He has long fingers and he’s wearing four silver rings, two on each finger. Patrick’s never seen anything like it.

“Warmest regards,” says Stevie evenly, walking away. Rachel is still laughing but David doesn’t look very amused.

“Sorry,” he mutters. “I guess she’s still a little pissed about the Jake thing,”

“What Jake thing?” Patrick asks before he can stop himself.

“Um. Nothing? I met this guy. We, um. We went out a bit. It turns out he was seeing Stevie, too, and then he was like, asking for a threesome?” David’s voice is getting higher and he’s looking mortified. “It was very uncomfortable and the queer scene in Toronto isn’t that small, thank you. So I said no. But I suspect Stevie might still be seeing him,” he gives another little shudder and stares at Stevie, who's back behind the counter, with narrowed eyes.

David’s fiddling with the silverware and Patrick’s staring at his fingers, watching the rings. “Can we change the subject?” David asks, still looking down at the table.

“David and I were talking about honeymoons last time I saw him,” Rachel says after a pause, and Patrick feels his entire body want to sigh. It’s like it never ends. He thought he’d feel settled and comfortable, proposing to Rachel. But instead he’s antsy, keyed up, tired, anxious. They always seem to argue and now she’s bringing up those arguments in public in front of someone they barely know.

For some reason, David blushes again. “Oh. Um, yeah, just a little? Like hypothetical places?”

“David likes Vienna and Prague,” says Rachel, kind of pointedly. David shakes his head.

“Well, yes, I do. Um, but you know. It’s not my honeymoon,”

Patrick doesn’t know why Rachel is pushing this, why they’re having this weird fight in public, through David like this. Then Stevie’s there again. She hands Patrick his beer and apparently David and Rachel ordered wine, because that’s what they get. Patrick watches as David takes a sip of his wine and then he finds himself looking over at Rachel. She’s staring down at her glass and he realizes she probably didn’t mean to bring up their fight. Maybe. He’s know Rachel since they were fifteen, but sometimes he thinks he doesn’t understand her at all.

“Um, so, the last wedding I did, the brides were both pretty sure they wanted to plan their honeymoon and they couldn’t really agree on a place so they sort of split it up?” David says suddenly, into the awkward silence. Patrick takes a sip of beer as he considers this, thinks about David easily discussing Toronto’s queer scenes or the two brides and feeling this rush of jealousy and want that he can’t even begin to explain.

“Split it up?” he repeats, when Rachel doesn’t say anything.

“Um. Yeah. Like, Lucy wanted to be in a city but Ally wanted something more nature-y, and they kept, like, oscillating....” David trails off, his eyes flicking between Patrick and Rachel.

“Oscillating?” Patrick wonders if David invented these brides. The thought clenches something inside him, as he notices the way David twists one of his rings around his finger.

“Sure,” David says after a minute. Rachel still hasn’t said anything. “Um, I think, compromise is like a pretty big part of marriage? And people plan their wedding together, and it’s just one day. It’s basically just like a special party? But sometimes they get a bit caught up in that. I see, um, a lot of weddings. But planning one is maybe good practice for actually being married? Not that I know, like, literally anything about any of this. Seriously, with my last girlfriend, she’d claim my idea of compromise was picking two movies and having her choose one? And she wasn’t wrong,”

The more David babbles the more upset he looks, like he thinks he’s saying way too much but he can’t stop himself. It’s sort of delightful. And now Rachel has finally looked up and she’s laughing at David, but nicely, and Patrick can’t even begin to name everything he’s feeling.

“Girlfriend?” he hears himself say and he definitely didn’t plan on that.

“Um. Yes? I, hmm, I sort of date, like anyone. Well, not anyone. I have some standards. Sort of. I just mean, like, gender doesn’t matter to me,”

“Oh so you are perfect for threesomes,” Rachel jokes, but David just grimaces and takes a sip of wine, making a face as he swallows.

“Ugh. Stevie sources the worst wine. This is barely potable. And shockingly, you’re not the first one to say that to me,” he says it lightly, focusing on the wine in his glass but Patrick feels his annoyance with Rachel rise and he knows she’s embarrassed but he can’t believe she said that.

“Sorry,” she says quickly. “This is kind of awkward,”

David’s face twists into another smile. “So how was your dress fitting?” he asks, ignoring the entire issue. Patrick takes another sip of beer and wonders if they’ll have to spent the entire dinner discussing wedding things. But two minutes later, as Rachel’s in the middle of talking about what a relief it is to finally have her dress home and ready for the big day, her phone goes off and Patrick knows exactly what’s coming. He watches her frown down at her phone and she swipes through her messages and then she’s shaking her head.

“Patrick, sweetie, I’m so sorry, I have to—"

“I know. It’s fine, go,” he tells her, standing up so she can grab her bag and slide out of the booth. “I’ll bring your food home for you,” he adds, kissing her briefly on the cheek as she squeezes his arm.

“Thanks. Sorry, David!”

“It’s fine, don’t worry,” David gives her another one of his charming little half smiles. Patrick can’t help but wonder if he ever smiles fully.

Then Rachel’s walking out of the cafe and Patrick sits back down across from David, feeling extremely awkward and he’s not sure why. Patrick is good at getting along with anyone, even the kind of people who eat at cafe tropical. He’s easy going and happy and everyone likes him. Except somehow, none of those things really feel true anymore. He feels tense and unhappy almost all the time lately, and sitting here with David, he’s not sure if he wants to stay here forever or run after Rachel. There’s a very brief silence and then David says, “Um, I can find Stevie and you can get both your food to go. I don’t think it will really enhance the eating experience in any way? But arguably it can’t get much worse?”

Patrick shrugs. “I might as well stay. No baseball tonight, no reason to hurry home,”

“Um, oh, so you, uh, you like...the baseball?”

Patrick laughs. “Yeah,” he says, watching as David glances around the cafe.

“Does Rachel?”

“She loves it. It was something we had in common, back when we were teenagers and we first started dating,”

“Wow. God, I can’t even imagine,”

“So we seem super boring to you, huh?”

“What? No! I’m jealous!” David flushes. “I can’t imagine anyone knowing me when I was fifteen and wanting to spend any amount of time with me. You guys are lucky,” he adds, his voice dropping down low.

“Lucky. Yeah. I guess.”

“I mean, I’ve literally never been in love.”

Patrick stares at him. “Seriously?” He’s never met anyone as beautiful as David. He can’t imagine how people aren’t lining up for him. David just presses his lips together and looks away.

“I mean, I think I’ve said it like twice. To my parents,” he shrugs and Patrick opens his mouth but he’s not sure what he’s going to say and then Stevie is there again, carrying three plates.

“Scare Rachel off, David?” She asks.

“She got called in to work Stevie, sorry,” Patrick says, somewhat relieved at the interruption. “Can I take her food home for her?”

“Of course,”

Stevie puts all three plates down on the table and then looks at them for a minute. “Or maybe I’ll make her a fresh one. Before you go,” she hesitates, glancing at David, who rolls his eyes. He’s already started eating his French fries and now he gives Stevie a look Patrick can’t read.

“You wanna sit with us?” he asks. It’s somehow only half a question. “Sure you don’t have dinner plans?”

“No,”

They share another look and then suddenly they’re both smirking at each other and Stevie sits down, next to Patrick and sticks her tongue out at David.

“Gross,” he says, and she grabs a handful of fries off his plate. “Get your own!” He says it plaintively, but doesn’t actually stop her from taking another handful and putting them on her own plate.

“I only have ten minutes!”

“Talk to your boss about that,” David suggests with his little half smile.

“So what time are you meeting Jake?” David asks a minute later, and he’s looking right at Patrick as he says it but he’s timed the question perfectly so that Stevie chokes on a bite of sandwich. David winks at Patrick and he feels his entire body start to flush. He gulps his beer and wonders if he should order another.

“I’m not,” Stevie begins, putting down her sandwich, and then she glares at both of them.

“You were being such a bitch,” David says evenly, laughing a little.

“Okay; it’s not my fault. I went to see him after we all, you know, broke up.... and it, uh, didn’t stick.”

David’s smiling except he isn’t actually smiling. It’s just sort of there, in his eyes and the corners of his mouth, as he looks at Patrick and then Stevie. “Shocking. It didn’t stick,”

“Apparently not,”

“Really shocking that you went all the way to see him and somehow he talked you back into bed,” David continues, deadpan.

“Ugh,” Stevie takes a giant bite of her sandwich. “Are you mad?”

David’s playing with his burger, taking the top off to rearrange the lettuce and tomato. “Fuck whoever you want, Stevie. Just don’t be a bitch about it to me,”

“David and I tried to go meet other people a few times, but David’s taken the guy I saw, like, twice, so he owes me,”

“I owe you?” David interjects, voice rising. “Excuse me, I hate to tell you sweetie, you weren’t really their type?”

They’re both snickering again and Patrick feels completely lost. He actually enjoys their weird bickering, and they way they both seem so pleased with it, but his mind keeps picturing David picking up guys at some bar and he can’t shake the image.

“Also I only went home with one of them. The other was too weird. He was getting super kinky like, before we even left the bar,”

“So what’s the best pick up line you’ve ever used, Patrick?” Stevie asks abruptly, turning to look at him. Patrick feels himself turning red.

“I don’t really need pick up lines,” he finally says, with a lot more confidence than he feels in this conversation. It serves its purpose though and both Stevie and David laugh, David putting his hand up to cover his mouth as he does.

“Wow, is this like, because you’re always with Rachel or because you’re just so magnetic girls are just falling all over you?” Stevie drawls.

“Oh, it’s definitely the latter,” Patrick assures them, taking a bite of his sandwich. 

*

Patrick’s at home, waiting for Rachel and wondering why his conversation with David and Stevie was so weird today. It was sort of awkward and uncomfortable and sort of thrilling. Before he left, he’d given David his phone number, feeling oddly glad that Stevie was back at work and nobody was watching them. But there was nothing wrong with giving your florist your number and saying he should come have dinner with them sometime.

Patrick used to have a lot of friends. He played baseball and hockey and guitar, and he’d acted in a few plays. He knew everyone when he was in high school and college. He still sort of keeps in touch with his friends and his cousins, but lately he just doesn’t have a lot to say to anyone. Everyone wants to talk about Rachel and the wedding and then the next steps: buying a house or a condo, staying in Toronto or moving, having a baby. Sometimes he finds himself scratching his nails on his arm or along his thigh when these conversations come up, and he has to force himself to stop and take deep breaths to try to relax.

After Rachel left, David didn’t seem that interested in talking about the wedding. He and Stevie traded joking stories about people they’d picked up, or tried to, and exes. David hasn’t been in Toronto very long, so when Stevie went back to work, he and Patrick started talking about New York and how he ended up with his flower shop. David mentioned the lotion he sold Rachel and talked about what he really wanted to do was start his own business selling locally sourced products like that, which Patrick found fascinating. Except David knew a lot about flowers, too, and at one point he even pulled out his phone and showed him some pictures of arrangements he’d done, and Patrick never knew flowers could be art.

David was fun, that was it. He didn’t mind it when Patrick teased him about flowers or his seeming aversion to numbers and business plans (he’d been very vague when Patrick questioned him on this) and his stories about his sister had made Patrick laugh so hard he’d had to cover his entire face with his hands and it should have been embarrassing but instead it was fun. Patrick has forgotten what it was luck to have fun - to feel happy and easy going and right. So it was good, that he’d made a friend, and he knew Rachel would be pleased he’d enjoyed his evening.


	2. Chapter 2

David never stays for the weddings he helps with. He'a usually at the venue early, dropping off arrangements, making sure the bridal party has everything they needed, and then he’d move on to the reception. Today he’s been to Rachel and Patrick’s early, far too early to be awake, actually, but weddings were strange and for some reason people got ready early. 

He left the flowers with someone he thought was Rachel’s mother and agreed to be at the venue in two hours. After coffee and triple checking that everything was in his car, he was about to leave his house for the second time that day when Alexis shows up.

“David! You’re so cute! Do you have a thing today?”

“It’s a wedding, and yes, Alexis,”

“Do you want me to come with?” She does a little shoulder shimmy at the idea. Alexis loves weddings. David blanches at the idea of her flirting with the groomsmen in front of Rachel and Patrick. And Twyla. He suddenly wonders if Stevie was invited, and that’s what makes him agree.

“I mean, if you want. Sometimes there’s good food at the reception. But you’re not there to flirt!”

“I’m always there to flirt,” Alexis grins, giving him an obnoxious boop on the nose.

They talk a little about their parents while David drives. Alexis thinks their mom is doing better, and their dad is starting to try to come up with business ideas of his own again. Then Alexis hesitates. 

“Actually, mom was really excited this morning...”

“Really? Did she get a call back about that terrible crows movie? She made me film her for that, you know. It was not great,” David winces a little remembering the confusing plot line. It was confusing while reading the literal script - it would never translate well onscreen.

“Um, no, that movie was filming in like Latvia or somewhere and they wanted mom to like fly herself there? So she said no. Um, no, she was excited because this photographer wants to come and do a thing on her?”

“Really? A piece on mom? Living in her shitty suburban apartment? Washed up and desperate?” It sounds horrifying. 

“Um, I don’t think she sees it that way. And also it’s Sebastian,”

David feels like the wind has been knocked out of him. The one good thing about living in Toronto is the very unlikelihood of ever running into his old exes. “What? Sebastian? God, what an asshole,”

“I know. Except I think mom said yes?” To her credit, Alexis doesn’t actually look pleased as she tells him this and she rushes on to say, “plus I think I talked her out of it?” 

David groans. “God, that would be terrible. Did she really cancel? He’d just do it to fuck with me. I mean, New York must have gotten really fucking boring since I left,” he rolls his eyes as he says this and at least succeeds in making Alexis smile and swat him on the arm. 

  
“She, like, didn’t even remember you guys dated,” she’s looking out the window when she tells him this.

“What a surprise,” David says as sarcastically as he can. Alexis turns away from the window to look at him and he makes a face. His mom has never known anything that goes on in his life. He’d introduced her to Sebastian, he’s pretty sure, at a gallery event three years ago. But that’s not the sort of thing his mom remembers.

“Remember when she tried to introduce you to Nico, like, at a Christmas party? Even though he was there as your date?”

“She called him Nate,” David remembers, doing his best to suppress a smile. No wonder he and Alexis are incapable of forming any sort of lasting attachment to people. His mother used up any luck their family might have had finding their father, who for some reason loves her unconditionally and unendingly. David probably wouldn’t think love existed at all if it wasn’t for them. Instead he knows it does, just as he knows he (and maybe Alexis) are probably beyond help.

“Okay, so, what’s this wedding we’re going to?” Alexis asks, looking in the back at the car at the flowers.

“It’s for a friend of Twyla’s. She works at the cafe I go to?”

“Oh, with Stevie?”

“Yeah. Her florist bailed or something so we only met like a month ago but it worked out since I’m probably better,”

Alexis rolls her eyes. “Gross David. So how often do you hook up with people when you’re working?”

“Ew! Alexis! That’s disgusting. I’ve never done that!”

“Really?” And fuck her, because she sounds genuinely surprised. David has been living in Toronto and working at his shop for almost a year now, and he’s slept with four people. He’s not going out for random hookups every night and he’s not fucking his customers. Alexis knows this, but it’s like she can’t help herself.

“You can’t sleep with anyone today, Alexis. I’m serious. We’re only there to set up the flowers and we won’t stay long at the reception, either,”

“Ugh, fine, David. That’s so boring ,”

****

  
Patrick kind of hates his tux. It’s fine, probably. It’s black and it fits him well and he feels like he can’t breath. He takes several deep breaths, ignoring the fact that his cousin Keith is knocking on the bathroom door again. “You’re sure you’re okay, Patrick?”

“Yep,” he makes himself say. “Just nervous,”

There’s a pause. “Ready to go?”

Patrick looks at himself in the mirror again. He cut his hair last year, and Rachel misses his curls but he likes it this way. He doesn’t have to do anything to his hair and it looks the same every day. He looks exactly like he always does, and today and tomorrow and the next day, everything will be exactly like it always is, which is a good thing. This is what he wants, this is why he proposed. Because he loves Rachel.

“Let’s go,” he says, finally opening the door.

*

  
The church is beautiful, even if Patrick isn’t sure he really wanted his wedding in a church. It’s kind of gloomy and he’s always been slightly allergic to the incense they sometimes burn here. He stands outside with Keith and Logan and JJ and greets guests as they arrive. JJ got married two years ago, and his wife is pregnant now. He’s already made several jokes about how Patrick better hurry up and get Rachel pregnant so their kids can grow up together, like they did. JJ still lives in the same small town they grew up in and he’s also joked about Patrick moving back there. Growing up, he was like Patrick’s brother, but now it doesn’t feel like they have that much in common anymore. Except maybe they will, if he and Rachel move back home and have kids and buy a house. His hands jerk to his tie but Logan stops him.

“It looks good, man, leave it alone,”

And then there’s a car with Rachel pulling up, so they go into the church but Patrick waits a minute, looking back. He thinks maybe he’s trying to catch a glimpse of Rachel, maybe make himself feel less nervous, but instead he sees a girl he doesn’t know coming out one of the back doors from the church. She’s pretty and laughing and for a second Patrick feels so envious of her that he can’t breath. He wants to disappear, he wants to be literally anywhere but standing here in this church. But it’s much too late. And before he can collect himself, he sees the florist, David, coming out after the girl and pushing her towards what must be their car. He’s wearing all black, but there’s some kind of pattern of white on his sweater and his pants look kind of dressy and as Patrick watches him, he thinks for a second that he really wants him. He’s jealous of the girl again, even more so than before. He wants to be leaving the church and laughing and climbing into a car with David, holding his hand and pulling his mouth down on his.

What the fuck? He thinks to himself, trying to force himself to look away. Patrick’s not gay. He’s definitely not gay. He sort of, almost, thought he was at one point, but he’s in love with Rachel. He’s loved her, off and on but always her, since he was fifteen. He’s not gay but just then David looks up and meets his gaze and Patrick can’t look away. For a second, he’s sure - he really, really doesn’t want to get married. He’s probably really, really gay.

Except that he isn’t. He’s never even kissed another guy. He’s never even really wanted to. And then Keith is grabbing his shoulder and pulling him into the church and it’s definitely, definitely too late. He’s getting married today.

*

Patrick can’t decide if he’s not really feeling anything or if he’s feeling too much. Maybe he’s even a little relieved, now that it’s finally done, Rachel clutching his hand and looking joyful. He smiles at her and hugs her and kisses the top of her head and they make their way to the car that’s taking them to the reception.

In the car, Rachel is still laughing, leaning her head on his shoulder. “I can’t believe we’re actually married,” she sighs, biting her lip a little as she looks up at him.

“I know. It all happened so fast,” he deadpans and that makes Rachel laugh some more. Patrick thinks of JJ and his other friends from high school, half of whom are married already and buying houses and having kids. “What are you waiting for?” They’ve probably all said they to them at one point or another. And now here they are, Rachel looking out the window at the busy Toronto streets, clutching his hand and leaning against him and still looking so happy and peaceful. Like this is exactly what she wants. It’s what he wants, too, isn’t it? Shouldn’t you be fucking joyful on your wedding day?

The drive should take longer. Patrick thought it was longer than this. But then they’re there, at the reception hall with the beautiful gardens, and he and Rachel get out to wait for their photographer. When he found out they were scheduled to take pictures for two hours between the ceremony and the reception, he’d been a little shocked, but that was normal, apparently.

Now he has more of a chance to take Rachel in. She’s wearing lace, and her hair is swept up, and she looks beautiful. Her dress has short sleeves, but as they stand there, her cheeks are still a little flushed and he realizes she’s getting hot. 

“Should we wait inside?” he asks, wondering why he suddenly feels awkward. He almost never feels awkward with Rachel; it’s his favorite thing about her, how being with her is so comfortable and familiar and safe.

She smiles and pulls him toward the hall, but the first two doors they try are locked. “What the hell?” Patrick mutters, and he and Rachel are both giggling, because Patrick almost never swears.

They’re just walking away from the second door when it opens up behind them. “Um, were you guys trying to get in?” David asks, standing awkwardly in the doorway and holding the door open.

“Yes! Thank you, David! It’s horrible out here,”

“It is,” David agrees, “but it’s not raining and the lighting is actually perfect for photographs since it isn’t too sunny, so I think you chose the perfect wedding day. Congratulations,” he adds, nodding at Patrick as they step inside together.

“We’re getting things set up so you should probably, um - you’re doing photographs?”

“Yeah, just waiting on the photographer,” Rachel says. Patrick still hasn’t said a word. His mouth feels so dry, he doesn’t think he can speak. “I actually need to go to the bathroom, so can you....” Rachel trails off, holding out her bouquet, which David takes eagerly.

“Of course! Do you need any help with your dress? It’s gorgeous, by the way. You look stunning. I love the lace,”

“Thanks!” Rachel beams. “It does have a lot of buttons...um,” she and Patrick exchange looks and David’s mouth opens and then closes.

“Alexis!” he calls and a minute later the gorgeous blonde Patrick saw earlier sticks her head out into the hallway. “Can you help the bride with her dress, please?”

“Sure,” she says, shimmying her shoulder a little bit and coming out toward Rachel. “I got you,” she tells Rachel, and crooks her pointer finger at David. “Told you I was helpful,”

“Right, thank you so much,” David says loudly, rolling his eyes and sounding sarcastic, but he’s giving Alexis a fond little smile as she and Rachel head to the bathroom.

“Sorry,” David adds, after they’re left alone and there’s a slight pause. “That’s my sister. She showed up this morning and invited herself along,”

He’s fiddling with the bouquet, making tiny adjustments to the flowers, and turning it in his hands. Patrick still can’t think of anything to say, but he needs to stop staring at David’s hands. The silver rings David apparently always wears glitter as he touches the flowers gently.

“They’re beautiful,” Patrick finally says, his voice stiff. David looks up in surprise and Patrick nods at the flowers.

“Oh! Thank you,” David’s staring at him now and Patrick hopes he isn’t blushing. “Um, can I?” David’s coming closer and closer, motioning toward Patrick’s chest.

“What?” he asks, breathlessly.

“Just... it’s kind of crooked,” David says, very softly. Patrick has never met anyone whose voice does that, goes from soft to loud and back again so frequently. His fingers are touching Patrick so lightly, adjusting his boutonnière deftly. Patrick feels like he stopped breathing. David is several inches taller than him, and his fingers are so long but they’re soft. He can barely feel him. David’s eyes are cast down, and his lashes are dark against his cheeks, and Patrick still can’t breath.

“Okay, better,” David says, finally, finally stepping away. Patrick wants to grab him and pull him back and also run into the bathroom after Rachel and never see David again. Instead they just look at each other for a minute.

“How’s it feel?”

“What?” Patrick’s head is full of David’s long fingers and his dark eyes and his broad shoulders.

“Being married.”

“Oh,”

There’s really no response. “I’m not sure yet,” he finally says, settling on honesty.

“Well, congratulations again,” David says after a little pause. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and glanced down at it. “Ugh,”

“You know, you can get back to work,” Patrick feels compelled to say. It shouldn’t feel this awkward, standing in the hallway. David’s mouth quirks.

“Oh, I know, but also, I can’t? I literally can’t let Alexis out of my sight for too long. Did you not listen to my wedding stories from before?”

Patrick laughs, remembering their dinner at the cafe and suddenly realizing those stories had been about Alexis. “Oh, that makes sense, actually. I mean, I hope she isn’t seducing Rachel in there,”

“Mm, that’s not really her style? But I’ll try to get us out of here before she meets any of your groomsmen or your... I don’t know, high school hockey teammates,”

“Why do you assume I played hockey in high school?”

David’s eyes sweep him up and down and then he looks away. “Didn’t you?” he smirks, checking the time on his phone again.

“No, I definitely did. I played baseball, too,”

“How well rounded,” David murmurs. “So you probably have lots of little friends I need to keep Alexis away from,”

“I can’t imagine my friends would complain about her,” Patrick says, before he think that through. David’s entire body shudders.

“Oh my god, ew!” he exclaims with disgust and Patrick can’t help laughing.

“I’m sorry! It just came out!”

“That’s disgusting,” David’s still flailing his hands and looking horrified. “Please never talk again,”

It is disgusting, but Patrick can’t stop laughing. “I really didn’t mean to be gross. But I do have single friends. That’s all I meant,”

“Ugh. Ew. Okay, I’m attempting to recover from this. I just need to find some bleach for my brain,”

“I can tell you other gross things to try to do help you recover,” Patrick suggests.

“I mean, I want to say yes? But what if it’s more gross sex jokes about people I’m related to?”

“No, I was thinking of this one time I ordered soup to go from Cafe Tropical and Twyla brought it to me in a plastic bag with a straw,”

“What the actual fuck?” David’s mouth falls open. “Oh my god, imagine if I ever did that? That is truly disgusting. What did you do with it?”

“I mean, I was very hungry.” Patrick shrugs, watching for David’s reaction. It doesn’t disappoint him.

“I meant, how long did you wait to throw it away? Or did you even take it from her? I refuse to believe you even considered eating that,” David’s entire face twists up as he talks, and he waves his hands to emphasize his points. Patrick laughs.

“It was really more like drinking? If you think about it,”

“You are such a troll,” David groans. “I know you’re lying,”

Patrick shrugs again. “But do you?” he asks, pushing it. He can’t help it. David so worked up that it’s hilarious, and Patrick can’t remember when he last laughed like this.

“Definitely,” David shoots back, not at all put off. Before Patrick can say anything else, the bathroom door opens and Alexis shimmies out.

“All done! I even touched up her make up since I’m pretty great at that,” she says. She waves her hands when she talks, too, and David makes a face at her. For some reason, her hand waving is cute, whereas when David does it, Patrick can’t seem to stop staring at his hands.

“Patrick! Apparently the photographer is just like waiting outside for us!” Rachel shouts, pushing out of the bathroom behind Alexis. “I thought you were going to text him that we were waiting inside?”

“Oh. Sorry,” Patrick had legitimately forgotten. Rachel gives him a fake annoyed look, nose wrinkling up, and Alexis squeals.

“You guys are so cute!” she tells them happily.

Patrick doesn’t really know how to reply to that. But David is looking horrified again.

“Oh, fuck, Alexis, come on,” he says, pulling on Alexis’ arm. Before Patrick can ask what’s wrong, though, someone’s pulling at the door again, unable to get in.

“There’s Julian now,” Rachel says happily, going to open the door.

“Oh my god, Julian is their photographer, David! Look at that!”

“Fuck off, Alexis,” David snaps, still trying to pull her away. Alexis looks far too happy to follow him, though, still grinning at her brother and refusing to move. 

Patrick never actually met Julian - Rachel really planned everything, and it was an accident that he even met David at all. But Julian is tall, with shoulder length hair, and he grins when he opens the door.

“Wow, David, didn’t expect to see you here,”

“Ugh,” Rachel sighs. “David totally saved us,” Rachel says, tapping David on the arm. Patrick notices David moving his arm away, slightly. Rachel keeps talking, saying something about their original florist who had a last minute vacation opportunity, but Patrick isn’t really listening. He’s watching Julian, who gives David a kiss on each cheek, and then whispers something in his ear. David shakes his head emphatically, and glares at them all. Julian doesn’t look at all dismayed by this. He’s still smiling broadly, even as he fidgets with his camera case.

“We should head out. But David, don’t run away, okay? We should catch up,”

“Oh, you guys know each other?” Patrick can’t believe Rachel is really this oblivious. But then a second later he thinks maybe Rachel just isn’t watching David as closely as he is, and he has to think about something else.

“We do,” says Julian, at the same time as David says, “not really,”

There’s another pause. Julian takes Rachel’s arm, and exclaims a little about her dress and her hair and the spots he’s already picked out for their photographs. They start to move outside. Patrick can hear David hissing something at Alexis.

“Fine, David! I’ll get the rest of the flowers! Calm down!” She taps his nose and David bats her hand away.

Patrick hesitates for a minute as he watches Alexis leave. He barely knows David, but David hesitates, too.

“God, I’m so sorry. That’s so unprofessional,” David’s staring outside after them, not looking at Patrick.

“It’s really fine,” Patrick tells him. He’s not sure what else to say, because he feels the strangest sense of.... he can’t really explain what he feels.

David shakes his head. “It was so stupid. I met him at a wedding right after I moved here. We, um. It was stupid,”

“It’s not like he was a groomsman, though, right?” Patrick jokes, hoping to make David seem a little less tense.

David does laugh, just a little. “Not a groomsman. But not single,”

“Oh. Sorry.”

“I mean. I should have asked. Then there was that whole stupid thing with Jake and basically it’s like I’m just as pathetic in Toronto as New York,” David says it sharply, kind of angrily. Then he shakes his head. “They’ll be waiting for you,” he reminds Patrick, and turns to go back into the hall without saying goodbye.

****

David is worse than Alexis. Like a thousand times worse. God, was he always this stupid? Is he just noticing it more now? He’s like seventeen percent sure he was flirting with Patrick, and it’s Patrick actual fucking wedding. He needs an intervention. Clearly he needs to be dating more (but not Julian or Jake or Stevie or anyone else he already knows) because this is really a new low. David’s slept with married people before. He’s not proud of that, but it’s true. He’s never actually flirted with an actual groom at his actual wedding and now he needs to go occupy his brain with flower arrangements and then go get really really drunk. But clearly not at this wedding.

He’s already texted Stevie to see if she’s going to be at the wedding but she hadn’t replied and Alexis is busy carrying flowers inside and chattering about Rachel and Patrick and how adorable they are. And now, ugh, she’s bringing up Julian.

“He is super cute though, David, and he wasn’t that bad,”

“He really was,” David says shortly. Julian wasn’t the worst person David’s ever slept with. But he did lie a lot. About almost everything. And he did way too many drugs for David to ever spend time with him now that David was mostly clean.

So David fixes all the flowers - he puts out the centerpieces and table arrangements, and wishes he could disappear, but he’d agreed with Rachel that he’d check everything with her before he left. So he has no choice but to go back outside and put all his carrying cases away in his car. He closes the car door and leans against it, scanning the grounds for Julian and Rachel and Patrick. He also promised to touch up all the bouquets and boutonnières, so he stays put, waiting for everyone to arrive.

Alexis, bored now, is sitting in the passenger seat, scrolling on her phone. Which is actually a good idea. David can’t sit down, because he doesn’t want to miss everyone arriving, but he pulls his phone out and sees there’s a text from Stevie.

_Seeing Jake tonight what’s up?_

_Julian’s here_ he replies quickly.

_Ugh well it could be worse_   
_Unless you’re going home with him_   
_I don’t recommend that_   
_Unless he’s broken up with that guy?_   
_But even then he’s not the best choice really_   
_And I would know_   
_All about bad choices_

David watches all the texts comes in and smiles, feeling a little more calm. It’s amazing what a difference it makes to have a friend who knows almost everything about him and doesn’t really care. And who is kind of equally a mess sometimes, too.

_Trying to avoid him_   
_Definitely not going to fuck him_

_Good_   
_Maybe we could go out sometime this week_   
_Find better options_

_I don’t want to steal you away from Jake_

_I meant better options for YOU_   
_well lmk_

_sure_

David glances up between texts to scan the parking lot, but it isn’t until their conversation is wrapping up anyway that cars start to pull in. He keeps his eyes on his phone for a little longer, feeling awkward.

As everyone gets out of their cars, he motions for Alexis to get out, too, reaching into the back for his small cooler that has all his backup flowers, just in case. It’s amazing the amount of people who smash up their flowers long before the reception.

The good thing is, it’s always easy to tell who’s in the bridal party, since they’re already wearing or carrying their flowers. And Alexis actually is helpful for this part, flirting with everyone as she discovers their names (two of the groomsmen are Patrick’s cousins, and one of the bridesmaids is Rachel’s sister, and everyone else is some sort of old friend). David does his best to mimic Alexis - he tries to be old, gallery New York David, just a tiny bit. It’s harder when you’re completely sober and so hard up you’ve created some sort of weird crush on the groom. But David can be charming, when he has to be. So he compliments dresses and hair (David is excellent at flirting when he doesn’t care) and is very straightforward as he adjusts the bridesmaids’ bouquets and everyone else’s various boutonnières and corsages. (David actually hates corsages, but Rachel wanted them for her mom as well as Patrick’s, so here he is now, freshening the flowers and complimenting them both on how lovely the bride and groom looked. Compliments for the bride and groom are easily the best way to make friends with their parents at weddings, he’s learned.) He feels that flash of pride he gets whenever he knows he’s doing well at his new job. 

Alexis is now talking to a guy in a suit who isn’t a groomsman, but luckily, it’s about time to go. David does a final once-over, tries to catch Alexis’ attention, and then one of the bridesmaids is taking David into the reception hall to check the flowers there. Before they make it, he hears Rachel calling his name and turns back around.

“I’m really sorry, I tripped and sort of smashed up my bouquet,” she says, showing him as she gets closer. David does his best to give her a reassuring smile. She’s very laid back, now that it’s her actual wedding day, but you always act extra calm around a bride.

“This is totally fixable,” he says, glad that she’s hurried here ahead of Patrick and Julian. He goes to his car and opens up the trunk and gets out the replacement hydrangeas. It’s kind of a hassle, actually, redoing the bouquet, but he has everything he needs, so he works as quickly as he can, ignoring Julian calling everyone over into the gardens and starting the group photographs. Alexis is still flirting with that guy, and Rachel has gone over to talk to both of them, thank god. David works better without an audience.

A minute later, though, Patrick’s hovering behind his shoulder. “So it’s salvageable?”

“Of course. Don’t worry, we won’t have the flowers ruining this wedding,” David smiles over his shoulder. Wedding, wedding, wedding. This is Patrick’s wedding.

“The flowers really are beautiful. I didn’t know bouquets could look like this,”

“I like to put in non-floral elements,” David explains, briefly. The flowers are ready and now he’s just re-wrapping the handle. A minute later, it’s done, and he holds it out to Patrick. “Here, all better,”

Patrick takes it from him carefully, handling it gingerly.

“Um, someone is supposed to check the reception hall before I go?” David says, glancing over at the rest of the wedding party. “Can you spare five minutes?”

“Sure, let me just give this back to Rach,” Patrick says easily.

David heads for the hall, keeping his eye on Alexis. She has her hand on the guy’s shoulder, and her other hand flipping her hair. This has been a fairly long conversation for Alexis. Patrick catches up to him, following his line of sight.

“Oh, that’s Ted. He’s an old friend from college. He’s nice,”

“Nice?”

“He really likes puns. But other than that, fairly normal,”

“Hmm,” David says, shooting for noncommittal. Puns? He can’t imagine. This has been the longest day he’s had in a while, and it’s not even that late yet. He’s trying to figure out what he’ll do when he gets home to distract himself from the entire day when Patrick opens the door to the reception hall.

“Oh,” he says. “Wow, David. It’s beautiful,”

“Good,”

I mean, that’s the entire point of my job, David thinks to himself, but he can’t bring himself to be annoyed. It feels too good, seeing Patrick so impressed. Patrick turns to him. “No, it’s really beautiful. Thanks,”

Yep, thanks, because this was Rachel’s vision (well, and David’s - he can’t help it, he’s good at making things beautiful) and this is Rachel’s wedding. To Patrick. Fuck, David needs to leave.

“Um, but like, seriously check everything? I don’t want Rachel upset with me later,” he kind of flaps his hands at Patrick, pushing him toward the center of the room.

“I mean, wow. Look at this!” Patrick’s standing by one of the dessert tables, by where the cake will be. There’s one of the tallest arrangements there, and David is pretty proud of this one. It’s actually his favorite of the day. And entirely his idea.

“Having things of different heights makes an arrangement more interesting. And, um, a lot of people do matching arrangements everywhere, but sometimes that looks kind of, um, tacky, but also like different arrangements on different tables just looks more interesting? It’s about drawing the eye in different ways,”

David has to stop himself before he keeps insulting other people’s taste or says something else accidentally offensive. But Patrick’s kind of smiling at him, in that funny way he sometimes does. He looks pleased and kind of amused. David reminds himself how much he likes Rachel, and how straight Patrick obviously is, and also _married_. He definitely, definitely needs to get laid. So he definitely, definitely needs to get out of here before he starts thinking even Julian is a good idea.

“That actually makes sense,”

“Actually? Wow. Thank you so much,” David drawls, pretending to be about ten times more annoyed than he actually is. He watches as Patrick checks each table and nods his approval. “Okay, great,”

David pulls his phone from his pocket to text Alexis that he’s ready to go; maybe with some warning he’ll be able to drag her quickly away from that guy. “Was it Ted? Ed?” he wonders out loud.

“Ted,” Patrick confirms. “He’s a vet. I think he works pretty close to you, actually,”

“Uh huh,” David watches his phone, waiting to see if Alexis replies. Nothing yet.

“Well, congratulations again,” David begins as they leave the hall. “Rachel is very nice,”

“She is nice,” Patrick agrees, squinting out at the sun which has suddenly come out, and not looking at David at all.

“Bye,” David can’t help himself. He’s standing behind Patrick, watching him look around for his wife, and he’s staring. But he’ll probably never see Patrick again, so he can stare, just a little. Never crush on married, straight guys, he reminds himself sternly. This is definitely not a crush. Just... Patrick is pretty hot.

“Bye, David,” Patrick gives him a little smile and strolls off into the sun, toward Rachel.


	3. Chapter 3

David really plans to never see Patrick again. After the wedding, he drops Alexis off at their parents’ house but declines to go inside. He doesn’t feel up to dealing with his mother’s drama. Then he goes back to his little apartment and sits on his couch in the dark, trying to work up the energy for something. He’s not even sure what. He doesn’t really feel like getting drunk or shame eating. He’s maybe a little hungry, actually, but he’s not sure what he wants. So he scrolls through Netflix, looking for something to watch but not sure what he’s in the mood for. Maybe he wants a movie. Instead, he lays down on the couch, phone on his chest, thinking about the fact that Stevie is busy and wondering if he should have just spent the night at his parents’ after all.

He’s not even really upset about Patrick. He barely knows Patrick. But still, it’s sort of strange, meeting him and weirdly liking him so much. He’s never really dated anyone like that before - someone kind of nice, that he liked and respected. So that’s all it is. Deciding that actually, he doesn’t want to go to a bar with Stevie and meet someone random. He kind of wants to meet someone like Patrick, someone he likes, someone he can be friends with. The closest he’s come before was Stevie, but that was pretty disastrous in the end and he’s glad they were able to stay friends.

And it’s really unfair that Patrick was so hot, on top of everything else.

So David goes to bed early, in the end, and the next day he’s planning some new weddings, and then there’s a funeral at the end of the week, too, and his store does keep him fairly busy, in the end.

It’s a few weeks later when Rachel comes into the store.

He’s surprised to see her, because he’s been trying his best not to think about her or Patrick or that entire wedding. But she smiles so happily when she pushes open the door to his shop that he gives her a little half smile back.

“Hey,” he says, going through about a dozen greetings in his mind but rejecting them all.

“Hey, David. How’s the store?”

David’s leaning over the counter, sketching out arrangements for a wedding next month, but he puts down his pencil and goes over to Rachel.

“Yeah, good, I think. How’re you and Patrick?”

“Oh, yeah, um. Good. I guess. I’m not sure married life is, like, exactly what I expected,”

God, David really hates when people decide to confide in him. It never used to happen. He thinks it’s something about being a florist. He’s never heard Rachel sound quite so hesitant before though. “Oh. Like, bad? I’m sorry,”

“No, I don’t know. I don’t mean ... bad. I just... thought things would feel different,”

David has no idea what that means. He’s trying not to make any faces but he’s sure he looks probably as dismayed by this conversation as he feels. “Do you, uh, need anything?”

“I was at the cafe just now. Um, we’re having some people over for dinner tonight. I thought maybe you could come? Sorry, my schedule is so crazy - I know it’s last minute, but I’m not working, so...”

David considers this. He really shouldn’t, probably, but he doesn’t want to be rude. Besides, he likes Rachel. Maybe it would be good, to be friends with her and Patrick. They could be his little straight cute couple friend he hung out with. Maybe their wholesomeness would rub off on him.

“Um, I, uh, yeah I’m free,” he says finally, knowing he’s kind of doing some Alexis like gestures with hands. It’s just sort of weird, imagining being in the house Rachel shared with Patrick, but that’s entirely on him.

Rachel beams when he agrees, seeming happier than before, and asks for his number. He gives it to her and she promptly texts him their address. He sends back a little OK hand emoji and she smirks at him.

“Nice emoji use, Rose,” she laughs.

“I know, I’m gifted,” he sighs and she keeps smiling and that feels good. Like maybe he can be friends with her and her husband.

She looks back down at his phone and taps on the screen and then David has a new text from her. “ _7 pm_ ” is all it says. He sends back an eye roll emoji and Rachel laughs out loud.

“See you then?” she calls, starting to back out.

“All right,” 

*

David thought he’d spend the day in a strong anxiety spiral, but instead, he just feels sort of calm. Very off brand for him. He thinks it’s just resignation - hopefully today he’ll be able to be friends with both of them or they’ll be so annoying, he’ll be able to easily move on. You can’t really eat dinner with a couple and then fuck one of them. Well, okay, David has maybe done exactly that before. But it was a long time ago and he’s different now. Okay, not that different. But enough.

So he arrives at 7:15, very pleased with himself for not running late. He’s carrying a giant bouquet of flowers, because what else is he going to bring? He has a bottle of wine in his bag, too, because he’s not a compete monster, and also he might need it. He rings the bell, shifts the flowers a little awkwardly, and hopes he isn’t eating alone with Rachel and Patrick.

****

Patrick isn’t really in the mood for a dinner party. Rachel loves entertaining, and in theory, so does Patrick, but it’s so hard working up the energy today. Besides, Rachel is working so much lately - shouldn’t they at least want to spend their one free evening together?

Except, he doesn’t, really. He wants to sit on the couch and watch tv. He doesn’t know if he really wants Rachel there at all.

It isn’t until he’s getting dressed, standing in their bathroom, that Rachel comes to reassure him about the evening. She’s putting on earrings, and watching as he puts on a new shirt. “Very sexy,” she says, kind of joking and kind of not. Patrick wonders when they last had sex. He usually has a bit of a running tally in his mind, kind of like the opposite of a countdown. He’s never really understood everyone who talks so obsessively about sex. Rachel’s always known this, but somehow, it’s been even harder lately. It was definitely before the wedding. She runs her hands down his chest and the touch makes him tense a little. It falls somewhere between ticklish and irritating and he shrugs her hand away before he can stop himself.

“Sorry,” he says, automatically. Patrick has spent basically his entire adult life apologizing for sex. Rachel shakes her head, which probably means it’s fine, but it’s not really fine. Patrick takes a deep breath and grabs her wrist, pulling her close. “How long do we have?” he asks, and Rachel laughs a little.

“Not long?” She leans forward to kiss him and their doorbell rings.

“Hmm, saved by the bell,” she teases, so Patrick kisses her cheek anyway. Rachel pushes him away teasingly and leans toward the mirror, so Patrick raises his eyebrows at her.

“Oh, I’m answering the door?” He jokes and Rachel sticks out her tongue.

“Quickly,” she shoos him away.

It’s not until he’s in their entryway that he realizes his shirt is still half unbuttoned. He does up another button and then pulls the door open, feeling extremely awkward, and then feels his entire body flush when he looks up and sees David Rose.

David’s actually kind of hard to see, because he’s holding some sort giant flowers in front of him, but he looks almost as mortified as Patrick feels.

“Uh, come in,” Patrick says, wondering why the hell Rachel invited him. And why he cares so much. He’s still blushing, he knows, as he closes the door and does up another two buttons. David’s trying to hand him the flowers, and then seems to notice what Patrick’s doing.

“Oh, wow. See, I knew I was too early, but I’m usually, like, forty five minutes late to everything so I was proud of myself,”

He’s still making his usual gestures, which seem a little precarious with the flowers, so Patrick grabs them from him.

“No, uh, you’re good. I just got home a bit late,” he improvises, turning toward the kitchen.

“Okay,” David practically whispers. Patrick’s entire body flushes again with that whisper. For a second he imagines David whispering in his ear, David’s mouth against his skin, and he wonders for the millionth time what the hell is wrong with him. He just got married. He’s already pretty certain that was a mistake.

“Um, so am I, like, the only guest, or is everyone else as fashionably late as I usually am?” David asks as he follows Patrick into the kitchen. Patrick searches the cupboards for a vase that will fit David’s extravagant flowers, and takes the opportunity to do up two more buttons, finally able to turn around and face David, fully dressed.

“I have literally no idea. This was Rachel’s ideas,”

“Oh, okay,”

Patrick can tell his words came off as annoyed instead of playful. Probable because he is annoyed. He wishes David weren’t here. He wishes Rachel weren’t here. He wishes he was alone with David. Alone and pressing up against him, tasting his expressive mouth, feeling David’s large hands on him, pulling him close.

He stops himself there. “I don’t know if we have a vase good enough for this,” he motions at the flowers and can’t help but feel a rush of something at David’s pleased face. Affection. He can be friendly with David. He’s married and it’s too late for anything else. But he can’t help it, he likes David, and they can be friends.

“Yeah, it’s pretty big, sorry,” David pulls his mouth into a little half smile, and Patrick notices his dimples. David is really, really beautiful. Patrick notices beautiful people all the time - Rachel is beautiful. But he’s never felt such a physical response to beauty. He wants to be wrapped up in David.

Then suddenly Rachel enters the kitchen, and checks the oven, and looks around for a suitable vase. She’s teasing David about emojis, for some reason, and David has the strangest look on his face. Like he wants to disappear. Like he’d rather be anywhere else. Then the doorbell rings again, and Patrick goes to answer it.

****

The dinner party ends up being Twyla and her boyfriend, a weird guy named Mutt who met her at the cafe, and a guy from Rachel’s work, named James. David is pretty sure Rachel is trying to set him up with James, and he just couldn’t be less interested. James is nice, and maybe kind of cute, but he’s too thin and too nice and too earnest. David can just about handle it from Rachel, but even Patrick’s niceness hides a sharp edge. Patrick’s constantly teasing and poking at David, and it’s a thousand times more comfortable than James, who keeps on being entirely too nice.

“The flowers really are beautiful,” James says for maybe the fifth time, as they finally sit down to eat. Patrick and Rachel sit on each end, and David ends up between Patrick and James, and across from Twyla. He wishes Stevie were here. He kind of wants to go to the bathroom and disappear, but he’s a little too invested in Rachel and Twyla and Patrick to do that. So he sips his wine and mmms a lot while James talks about helping kids. God, imagine if David dated someone who so earnestly loved kids. It would be a disaster. So even though James is so much better than Jake or Julian (god, what a lot of J names, David thinks idly) and really, don’t even consider the people he dated in New York, despite all that, James is too wrong to even consider sleeping with him.

Even though he’s pretty sure James wants to sleep with him.

“James and I were actually considering trying to set up a program to do some work abroad,” Rachel says, when there’s a small silence following the end of James’ most recent story. David makes himself leave his wine on the table, because the only thing that would make tonight worse is getting drunk.

Then finally Rachel starts to serve the dinner, which is actually very delicious - a sort of Thai curry and two kinds of rice and some really lovely bread. David fills his plate, to give himself something to do other than drink his wine.

James leans too close to offer him more wine, anyway.

“I’m good,” David murmurs. James pours him a little more and ugh, maybe he isn’t that nice, after all. David knows that move. He turns and looks at James, who raises his eyebrows, and David feels more interested than he has all night.

It’s just that he can’t stop thinking about Patrick, answering the door with shirt half unbuttoned, his chest flushing red with embarrassment. Probably because he and Rachel were having sex. They’re literally newlyweds. He takes a bite of curry to avoid the wine. He wonders how upset Rachel would be if he fucks James and never calls him. That’s probably not what she intended tonight.

“How long have you lived in Toronto?” James asks him when there’s another lull in the conversation. Which is actually maybe okay, because Twyla had been telling a horrifying story about one of her mother’s ex-boyfriends and a casino, and the entire story was horrible enough but then she added something about being fourteen at the time that made it a million times worse.

“Almost a year now. I was in new York before,” David looks down at his plate. “And this curry is amazing you two, thanks,”

“It really is,” James agrees, quickly. “I love New York,”

“Really? What’s your favorite thing there?”

“The museums,”

David nods. “Hmm. Which one?”

“The Whitney,”

David smiles at him, just a little impressed. “Yeah, I love it there,” he agrees. Maybe James isn’t terrible. Maybe he’s just not Patrick, which is objectively a good thing. Since David can’t have Patrick. Not at all.

“I’ve never even been to New York,” Twyla says and David is glad to turn away from James. He looks at Patrick, instead, which he’s been avoiding doing this entire meal, but Patrick’s just staring at his plate. “My ex and I were going to go, but then he decided to being his wife instead,”

“His wife?” All of Twyla’s stories are horrifying, David decides.

“Yeah, it turns out he was married, but I didn’t know that. Actually, he had three wives. He wanted me to be his fourth,”

Yep, horrifying. David shudders.

“God, imagine? Some people find three people willing to marry them and I can’t even manage one?” He grins at Twyla who smiles back.

“So how is marriage?” Mutt asks, one of the first times he’s spoken all night. Everyone glances between Patrick and Rachel, who suddenly look uncomfortable. David can’t blame them, although he remember seeing Rachel this afternoon and wonders what, exactly, is making them both so uncomfortable.

“It’s sort of the same,” Patrick finally answers, looking across the table at Rachel, who smiles in response.

“Yeah, it is,” she agrees, softly.

“I always figured I’d only get married if I was crazy in love,” Twyla says, a little dreamily. “Like when you meet someone and bam, you just know, and nobody else ever compares,”

There’s a slight pause. “Wow,” James says, finally. “Have you ever had that?”

“Oh, no. But my friend did. She met this guy and knew he was the one. Didn’t matter he was in prison....”

David has to stop listening. Twyla’s worse than Alexis. David’s never been in love, but in his more sentimental moments, he wonders if it’s like what Twyla describes. In other moments, he’s not really sure it exists at all for most people, like maybe only certain people get to experience it. He’s seen it, with his parents, but he’s never really felt it.

“I don’t know if it’s like that,” Rachel’s saying when David makes himself pay attention again. “It’s more, like, comfortable and familiar. And eventually you decide, yeah; this is it. This is what everyone’s talking about ,”

“I think Twyla’s right,” David can’t believe he’s actually participating in this conversation. He knows literally nothing about love. But he can’t stop thinking about his parents. They almost never discus their relationship with him, thank god, but his mom said once.... “I think it is like something incredible, when you’re really in love. Something overwhelming. That kind of changes everything you thought you knew. And it can happen in an instant,”

His parents have never once seemed to regret their marriage. Not after having two terrible children or getting old, or his mother getting firer from Sunrise Bay or his father trusting Eli and losing almost everything. His mother knew immediately, she told him. Even though his father was dating someone else, she waited.

There’s a little pause, and David looks at Twyla, because she’s sitting across from him, and because he can’t bear to look at anyone else in this fucked up dinner party. (Which is maybe only in his head, but David can’t stand it when other people are uncomfortable and almost everyone here seems uncomfortable.)

“I don’t... I don’t think...” Rachel is staring down at her plate and David tries to think of literally anything he can say to change the conversation.

“I think Ted asked Alexis out,” is what he comes up with. “Alexis thinks he’s adorable, but Patrick mentioned something about puns? So I’m concerned,”

Immediately, some of the tension melts away. Rachel hurries to reassure him, and Patrick just laughs. David allows himself another glance at Patrick, and this time Patrick’s looming right at him, smiling.

“Um, no. Like, he’s a vet? And yet he makes, like, a worrying number of animal puns on Instagram? Alexis showed me his account,”

“Yeah, it’s a real pet peeve of mine, too,” Patrick deadpans and David can’t stop himself from laughing. He can’t, but he tries, twisting his mouth up as if he can physically hold in his smile. Patrick looks far too pleased with himself.

“He can bear-ly contain himself with his captions,” Patrick goes on, taking a sip of wine and smirking at David.

“Oh my god, stop,” David shakes his head and glances around the table. Everyone else is smiling, so it’s probably okay that he, too.

“No, Ted is sweet and smart and fun,” Rachel interjects, looking serious.

“Mmhmm, okay, I don’t know if that will really work with Alexis, so I’m sorry in advance,”

Then, remembering Patrick’s disgusting joke about Alexis being hot, he whips back around to Patrick. “And please do not say a word. I feel like you don’t have siblings? But it is unacceptable,”

Patrick laughs like he can’t help it.

“What did he say?” Rachel questions, glancing between them.

“I really am trying to bleach my brain. I’m sorry I brought it up,”

“Don’t worry, there’s always soup,” Patrick reminds him, the fucking troll, because Twyla is right there. And because this feels a little too close to flirting, and Patrick is married. Straight and married to a cute girl who is right there.

“Soup?” James questions, a little uncertainly. David smiles at him, needing to change the subject again.

“Mm, yes, but let’s not question the methods of straight people, for they are far beyond my understanding and have always left me a bit bewildered,” he jokes, and it works because it makes James smile and Rachel laugh. And it makes Patrick blush, which really wasn’t his intention, but god, he likes it so much.

“So then what’s the craziest thing a straight person has ever done?” James asks, a little teasingly, but David is really excellent at this kind of conversation. So he only demurs a little before he launches into a story from his New York days, about a girl he knew who wove cat fur into her art (way less gross than it sounds and the pieces were gorgeous) and the time she once left him stranded in New Jersey after a rather confusing meeting where he wasn’t sure if it was a date or a meeting to discuss displaying her creations in his gallery. She’d left in the middle of their meeting and messaged him hours later to say her physic had told her to beware of dark haired men from the city, and it’s definitely not the craziest thing a straight person has ever done, not even the craziest story he could tell, but it is a good dinner party story. It’s actually kind of long, but it changes the subject and afterwards, Mutt tells a weird story about going pineconeing, which what the fuck even is that, and David can attend to his dinner again.

The conversation splits up, and James leans over toward David. “How do you know Rachel?” he asks.

“I did the flowers for their wedding. My shop is across the street from Twyla’s cafe,”

“Oh, so you didn’t know them before?”

“No,” David keeps looking down at his plate, wondering again why this entire dinner has felt so awkward. He was right in one respect - it’s exhausting, trying to be friends with somebody as earnest as Rachel. He can’t just bail on this entire night, as much as he might want to. But he can maybe take just a tiny break. So he has another sip of wine, whispers “excuse me” half to James and half to the table at large, and makes sure his phone is in his pocket as he tries to find the bathroom.

“Down the hall,” Rachel gestures and he smiles at her. She is very, very nice.

In the bathroom, David leans his head against the door. Nothing terrible has happened, but the whole evening is kind of terrible. Why is so hung up on Patrick? Why on earth did Rachel (god, he hopes it was Rachel - imagine if this is all Patrick’s doing) think to invite James? David has a funny feeing he and James might be the only queer men she knows, so.

He stares at his phone, trying to decide if he’d rather text Stevie or Alexis. God, what a choice. He can’t decide if this makes him pathetic, or if he was more pathetic before, with a phone full of rich and famous friends...but probably he wouldn’t have had anyone to text from a bathroom back then, either.

He texts Stevie.

I think Rachel is trying to set me up tonight  
Very nice guy named James is sitting next to me  
Like way too nice

He locks his phone and puts it down. He finally decides he might as well use the bathroom, since he’s already here. And maybe Stevie will respond by the time he’s done.

****

Patrick knows it’s rude, but he can’t help checking the time. He’s standing in the kitchen, opening a beer because he doesn’t want to keep drinking the wine Rachel picked out for tonight, and he really, really can’t wait for the night to be over.

He’s not sure what it is. Maybe the fact that it was sprung on him so last minute. And he’s tired, and he’d rather be watching the jays game he recorded two nights ago and hasn’t had a chance to watch.

Maybe, some small, tiny part of him whispers, it’s that he’s tired of watching James flirt with David.

He takes another sip of beer, and rubs his face.

“Patrick, come on, you can’t just hide out here all night! I thought maybe we’d play a game,” Rachel is halfway between annoyed and amused, coming up behind him with an armful of dishes she’s cleared from the table.

“A game?” Patrick asks flatly. Apparently the night can get worse.

“I mean, it’s going really well, right? And I think James really likes David,”

“So you are trying to set them up?”

“James just moved here. He doesn’t know that many people! And he’s cute!”

Patrick shrugs and takes another drink. “I don’t know, it’s kind of rude to set people up without their knowledge,”

“It’s not a set up! It’s just....if they happen to get along...” Rachel trails off as David comes into the kitchen, holding the serving bowl of rice extremely awkwardly. It’s actually kind of cute, the way he seems so completely unsure about helping and yet does it anyway.

“Um, where should I put this?”

“Just right here is fine,” Patrick gestures to the counter next to him. Rachel gives David a little smile.

“Having fun?”

“Mmhmm, yes, dinner was delicious,”

David is a terrible liar. It makes Patrick grin down into his beer bottle. His entire face screws up as he talks, even his eyes squinting shut. It’s sort of delightful.

“Okay, well, I’m glad you liked the curry. And James is really nice, you know,” Rachel smiles again and David nods, biting his entire lower lip.

“Oh, he definitely seems very, very nice,”

Rachel squeezes Patrick’s arm. “Okay, I’m going to get the games out, see you guys back at the table,” she sing-songs, and then she’s gone and Patrick wonders why it’s always so hard to look David in the face. Especially when they’re alone. Maybe David feels the same, because he’s glancing down and twisting his mouth up.

“When you say James is nice, you say it like that’s a bad thing,” Patrick observes before he can stop himself.

“Oh, um, no? That’s not what I... I, um, I wasn’t really expecting to be....it sort of seems like maybe Rachel is trying to be nice? And James and I are the only gay guys she knows?”

It feels like Patrick’s entire body is on fire, for some reason, as David says that. He wonders what it’s like, to be able to say something like that so casually. Patrick has a hard time even saying the word gay.

David possibly misinterprets Patrick’s blush and his silence because he hurries on.

“No, um, no offense, I don’t mean that she doesn’t know any.... I just don’t really think I’m his type?”

Patrick laughs at that, again before he can help himself. “I think James thinks you’re his type, all right,”

David blushes and shakes his head. “No, I... I just... he doesn’t really know me? Um, you guys don’t... I’m sure James would enjoy, like, the night, but I can’t see it being an actual relationship? I just... I’m definitely too much for someone who’s so...”

“Nice?” Patrick offers, trying his best not to think about James and David enjoying the night.

David laughs, just a little.

“Okay, but? I literally have never dated anybody nice,”

His phone dings and David glances down at it, smiling some more.

“See? Stevie agrees. I had to ask for advice so I didn’t try to sneak out,”

He looks mortified the second he says it, his eyes wide and his mouth falling open, just for a second.

“Fuck! Not, um, not that I’d do that,”

Patrick laughs and rolls his eyes. “I’d sneak out if I thought I could,”

“Okay, so this night is weird, right? It’s not just me? Something about James and Twyla and Mutt and everything. We’re all, like, the weirdest dinner party guest ever and you and Rachel can’t wait for us to leave?”

Patrick could listen to David talk all day. He’s never heard anyone that speaks like that, the way his voice goes up and down and the way he moves his hands as he talks. He’s laughing again, into his beer. He feels lighter, somehow, just for these few stolen minutes with David.

Before he can answer, Rachel’s calling them from the table, and David frowns and groans, just a little.

“Fuck!”

“Guess you’re stuck a little linger,” Patrick teases.

“You’re the one whose stuck. I mean, I could still have an emergency? You live here. There’s no escape,”

David’s joking, but at his words Patrick feels this sudden tightening, like he can’t breath. He’s suddenly envious of all of them - David who can joke about disappearing because he can - he can do whatever he wants. James who knows what he wants, Mutt and Twyla and Rachel who all seem happy. It’s like everyone at that table knows what they want and do their best to get it, and Patrick can barely even understand himself. How on earth did he end up here?

It had felt like it was too late to break up with Rachel, back before they were engaged. They’d been dating off and on for so long, since they were teenagers, it was like Patrick had to make up for all that invested time for them both. It wouldn’t have been fair to just end it. Even though they’re both tried, repeatedly. Maybe it wasn’t a good sign, the many breakups they’d had over the years. But they never lasted - somehow they always found their way back to each other.

Almost as soon as he proposed, Patrick regretted it. But then he wasn’t even sure if he did regret it, or if he just felt trapped. Maybe he was one of those people who was scared of commitment. He didn’t like to think that about himself, but whenever he pictured his future with Rachel, he felt this bottomless sort of fear and anger and regret. He couldn’t quite imagine moving back home and buying a house and having kids. You really, really couldn’t leave after kids. And he’d felt angry, too, because as soon as he proposed he realized he could have broken up with her before, and she’d be angry and upset but they could both move on. And now that they’re married, he’s realizing he could have broken up with her before that, too, and he just keeps digging himself in deeper and the only one keeping him trapped is himself.

David is looking at him awkwardly. Why was it always so awkward, being alone with David? Awkward and wonderful in equal parts. Patrick smiles and hopes it doesn’t look as weird as it feels.

“Come on, maybe you can leave after just one game. James might try to escort you home, though,”

“God, really?” David looks so horrified that Patrick smiles for real, though he’s not sure why it matters to him. He can’t really be jealous of James, not when he’s married and not actually gay at all. So he just smirks, and gives David a little push toward their dining room. He feels weird about touching David almost immediately, but then it’s too late. He’s already pushing him, and David is laughing, and he feels so strong and solid against Patrick’s hand.

“You’re the worst,” David laughs as they enter the room.

“What did he do?” Rachel glances up, looking between them with a smile.

“He’s being very rude,” David deflects, easily, going back to his seat. Patrick just shakes his head, grinning at Rachel and trying not to think about how her happiness just makes him feel more guilty. There’s nothing wrong with making a new friend.

*

Rachel really is happy about David. “He’s kind of weird but I like him,” she says later that night, when everyone has finally gone home. They’re lying in bed, and she’s facing away from him but he can tell she’s happy.

“I like him, too,” he finally replies, before it’s been silent for too long.

“I know. It’s been a while since we’ve made a new friend. It’s good, right? I like when you have friends,”

“I mean, friends are okay,” Patrick jokes and Rachel huffs a little laugh into the dark.

“I just want you to be happy,” she whispers, and it had been quiet for so long Patrick had thought she was asleep. He’s facing away from her, but he turns around now, putting his hand on her waist and kissing her head lightly.

“I know, Rach,”

It isn’t until a few minutes later, drifting off, that he realizes he didn’t actually tell her that he is happy.


	4. Chapter 4

Ever since their slightly weird dinner party, David has run into Rachel and Patrick enough times that they’re probably friends. It’s happened twice cafe and then there was one time at the grocery store, when he was picking up wine and movie snacks with Stevie. The whole thing was weird, and Stevie kept shooting him pointed looks as they exchanged pleasantries in the middle of the chip aisle.

“Can I give James your number?” Rachel asked before they parted ways. David had winced, and probably made about twelve different faces, because he couldn’t help it.

“Um, can I think about it?” he’d finally tried. As a sort of compromise. Rachel still looked disappointed. And now Stevie won’t stop bringing up stupid fucking James.

“You could just see him once. See how it goes?” It’s late and the store is closed and David doesn’t feel like being alone, so he’s sitting at the counter of the cafe and eating a sandwich and talking to Stevie. Which he now regrets.

“I did see him once? Or did you forget? And he was very, very... nice,”

“Nice can be good,”

“Mmhmm. Nice can be very good, just not for me,”

“But it seems like Rachel—-“

“I know! I know!” David is desperate to change the subject but he can’t think of anything. He wonders if he should ask about Jake, but that conversation would be just as awkward. “She thinks she’s being helpful,” he finally admits. “But I just wasn’t interested in him. I don’t know. Just because we both like men doesn’t necessarily mean we’d like each other,”

“I know,”

“I don’t know that Rachel knows that. We’re like her only gay friends,”

Stevie snorts and rolls her eyes. “Whatever. I just thought maybe you’d want someone different to your usual type, since it seemed like you wanted a change,”

David hates talking about things like this. Even with Stevie. She’s leaning on the counter across from him, and she looks like she hates this conversation as much as he does. “It’s just that my usual type has never actually worked out for me? Speaking of, how’s Jake?”

“Fuck you!” Stevie laughs, though, and the moment passes. They’re laughing about Jake and then David tells her a story about Felix, who he dated for two and a half months back in New York before seeing Felix’s actual fucking wedding announcement in the Times.

But Stevie hasn’t let it go, apparently, because after David finishes his story, she gives him a smirk. “I can totally see why you only trust your own judgment for romantic partners. Like me, you excel at picking them,”

Now it’s David’s turn. “Fuck you,” he says without heat. She’s not wrong. “Can we please talk about something else? Like anything else?”

“Just go on one date with James. I really don’t see the harm,”

David groans. “You’re the worst,” he tells her. He’s finished his food, anyway. “I’m going home?”

Stevie shrugs. “Fine. Still wanna meet up next week for thanksgiving?”

“Oh no, I’d much rather see my family and spend time with them while my mother tries to rope me into cooking food,” David deadpans. Stevie laughs. “No, seriously; yes, please,”

“Fine, but I might make you cook, too,”

“You’ll regret it,” David warns.

*

He’s actually considering a date with James. He’s met about zero other people he’d like to date, except for Patrick, and since there are about a thousand reasons why that will never happen (he’s married and straight and David would never be his type even if those first two things weren’t pretty fucking good reasons) and somehow David has to get over him. He hasn’t had to get over a straight boy since high school, probably. It’s ridiculous to be in his thirties and back in this position, and David blames the lack of dating opportunities in his new life. So James is probably an okay idea. But then he imagines actually being on a date with nice, sort of boring James. And then James telling Rachel and Patrick all about what a mess David is. And everything just seems a lot less appealing.

His family stopped celebrating the holidays when they lost everything, so he knows his mom will do her best to sleep through Thanksgiving (a holiday focusing on food was never her favorite) and his dad will try to find a million distractions, but David isn’t that surprised when Alexis texts him the night before, angling for an invitation to whatever David’s doing. He wants to be annoyed but he’s biting back a smile as he stares at his phone.

He checks with Stevie first, though, because he isn’t a complete monster.

So Thanksgiving morning, David is surprisingly not actually dreading the day. He’s at the store, which he decided to keep open all morning in case people are looking for last-minute thanksgiving flowers. He’s actually had a few customers so he’s feeling pretty proud of his decision when he spots Patrick across the street. His instinct is to actually hide, like duck into the back room, even though Patrick isn’t actually coming into the store - no, wait, he definitely is. David tries to arrange in his face into something other than horrified, because he’s really not sure he can deal with Patrick today.

“Happy Thanksgiving,” he says when Patrick comes in. It’s what he’s been saying to everyone else. Patrick smiles a little.

“Hey, I’m glad you’re open. Rach wanted me to get some more flowers for today. We’re hosting both our parents,”

“Cute,” David nods his head and he knows his hands are making weird circles in the air as he points out different arrangements he has ready. Patrick looks amused and ... and something. His face is strangely hard to read.

“Listen, David...” he interrupts when David finally stops for a breath. “I also wanted to apologize for that dinner party,”

“Um, okay?”

“Yeah, I mean, I didn’t know Rachel was going to set you up with James. I don’t think she meant anything bad by it,”

“I know,”. God, can everyone just let that go? At this point the amount of times everyone has brought James up is making David fairly certain he can never go on a date with him. So it’s hard to stop himself at this point. “Ugh, God,” David groans, and he sort of flops over dramatically on the counter, resting his head in his hands. “I’m seriously not offended but I will be if everyone doesn’t shut up about that,”

He worries he’s overdone it, but when he finally looks up, Patrick is grinning. God, he’s pretty. David’s entire stomach twists up at the sight. “Everyone?” Patrick says, quick as always.

“Ugh,” David groans again. “Stevie may have brought him up a few times after we ran into you guys at the store,”

“Oh, she thinks you should date him, too?”

“Okay, Stevie never actually met him? So her opinion means very little? She just likes to be a troll. And also, you know, thinks I should see people I’d never pick on my own,”

“Well, I’m still sorry if it was awkward,”

“Oh, it was,” David assures him and Patrick laughs again.

David fiddles awkwardly with some of the papers he has by the till, trying not to look at Patrick. Except Patrick is his customer, it’s perfectly fine to look at him. God, why is everything so awkward?

“I, um, just need like a centerpiece I guess?” Patrick finally says, breaking the silence.

“Mmhmm, sure, I have a few there you can pick from or I can put one together for you,” David points out the centerpieces like he didn’t already do that when Patrick first walked in.

Patrick touches one of the flowers very lightly, and then paused to turn to look at David. His eyes are very brown and warm and soft and David has to look away because everything is terrible. “Are you working all day today?” Patrick asks.

“Oh, no. Just the morning. Then I’m going to Stevie’s.”

“Just the two of you?”

“I have no idea who else Stevie invited. Hopefully Twyla, because Stevie said something about trying to make me help cook, and that’s a recipe for food poisoning for us all. I’m bringing my sister, too, actually,” he adds, remembering Alexis’ desperate texts.

“Is she still seeing Ted?”

God, David forgot about that. “Ugh, who knows. Maybe.”

“So you two aren’t that close?”

David shrugs, leaning against the counter. “I mean, sort of. I’ve always been the person she went to eventually, when she was lost in some foreign country or needed a new passport or whatever.” Patrick makes a weird face at that. “She’s annoyingly good at knowing everything about me.” Ugh, too much. “She’s kind of the worst but whatever. We spend more time together now.”

Patrick’s grinning at him again and David needs to get him out of his store.

“So, what flowers do you think?” he says, aiming for a decisive tone.

****

God, David is cute. David is gorgeous, actually, but he’s adorable, too, and Patrick has never, ever felt this way. He’s never been so aware of someone else’s body or their expressions or their presence. David hasn’t come out from behind the counter since Patrick came in, but Patrick has still tracked every expression he made (he makes a lot of faces and Patrick has never met anyone else like him and he really, really likes it). This was a terrible idea. Patrick should never have agreed to run this errand for Rachel, but she was so stressed about hosting their parents and getting everything ready and Patrick had to leave.

He never wants to leave David’s shop and he knows he has to. Some part of him wonders what would have happened if he’d met David before he was engaged and then married. If they’d met while he was broken up with Rachel. He imagines seeing David in a bar or something and he knows he would have been.... he would have been sure. Somehow he was never sure before, he’d never met anyone he liked more than Rachel, who knew him and teased him and liked him, too. So even when he wondered if he was bi or gay or maybe asexual, if there was something he didn’t quite understand about himself, it was easy not to think about it.

It’s impossible to stop thinking about it when he’s around David. It’s impossible not to imagine David’s hands, or grabbing David’s waist, kissing him.

Shit. 

Patrick has a few things he’s always been certain of. He’s never cheated on anyone. He’s never even considered it. And now he can’t stop thinking about it and he needs to leave.

David interrupts Patrick’s very vivid fantasy of pushing David up against the counter with some question about flowers. Flowers, right. Like the entire reason he’s here.

“Um, I don’t know. Maybe this one,” he picks it at random because what else is he going to do? It’s hard to focus on flowers right now when he just needs to leave but all he wants to do is push David into the back room and kiss him. David finally comes out from behind the counter to pick up the arrangement, and begins wrapping it up so it’s slightly easier to carry. It still looks pretty unwieldy to Patrick, who can’t stop himself from staring at David as he moves. He’s wearing black jeans with holes at the knees and like always Patrick wonders how on earth David found his clothes; maybe they’d look stupid on someone else, but on David they’re gorgeous. Even if he doesn’t really understand why his black and white sweater seems to have two different kinds of fabric.

Everything about this feels like too much, all at once, so he’s suddenly quick to get past David and grab the flowers. He’s married to Rachel now, he reminds himself for the hundredth time.

“Well, say hi to Stevie for me?” he asks awkwardly, wondering if anyone can look casual carrying a huge floral arrangement through the doors.

“Um, let me help you,” David is smirking just a little, and then he’s pushing past Patrick to open up the second door so there’s more space, propping them open so he doesn’t have to stand in the way. His arm brushes against Patrick’s back as he moves and it turns everything inside of him on fire. He has another vivid image of dropping the flowers and pushing David back into his store and David running his hands over Patrick’s back and then he stops himself and leaves the store with a sort of strangled goodbye.

He’s not even sure if David responds, he hurries out so quickly.

He runs through it in his mind - is it because David’s one of the first openly gay (or bisexual? He wonders what word David uses) men he’s ever met? Is it because he’s so hot? He definitely didn’t feel this attracted to James. When he’s around David it’s like everything in him is paying attention. Like everything David does is charming. Like he never gets tired of talking to him and hearing his opinions. David has so many opinions. It’s sort of addicting, hearing about them. 

He never felt this way with Rachel. For a long time he’s thought everyone else is just wrong about what love really is. That love is something comfortable and yet difficult, that when people talk about working hard at a marriage, they mean everything Patrick seems to have to work on. He likes Rachel so much, and he’s known her so long, but he doesn’t think he’s ever found her as delightful as he’s found David.

But you barely know David, he reminds himself, finally reaching Rachel’s car. He manages to shove the flowers in the back without damaging them and then he’s leaning against the car, rubbing his hands over his face. How has he made so many mistakes?

He shouldn’t ever see David again. That’s the obvious thing to do. He’s married now and it’s too late to change that.

God, it’s going to be a long day.

*

It’s not until the end of the day, when their parents have gone home and Patrick is lying down on the couch and Rachel is sitting on the floor next to him, that he realizes the flaw in his plan. And it’s really Rachel that inadvertently draws attention to it by reminding him that she’s friends with David, too.

“So remember those Leafs tickets we got a while ago?” she asks, fiddling with her phone and not looking at him. Patrick’s fiddling with his phone, too. He’s staring at the contact for David Rose, which he’s never even used and shouldn’t have at all, except that he’d exchanged numbers with David at that awful dinner party, and now he’s trying to make himself delete it.

It takes a moment for her question to sink in. “Yeah, of course,”

“So. I’ve been invited to a conference that weekend. It’s really important, Pat! I can’t turn it down,”

She’s explaining more about the conference and Patrick closes his eyes, knowing it’s beyond ridiculous for him to ever be upset with her. But he kind of is, because that game was important to him. To both of them. It used to be one of their favorite things to do together.

“Seriously?” It’s all he can manage. There’s too much to say. Too much neither of them have said. Sometimes it feels suffocating, that weight of things unspoken. 

“I’m sorry! I’ve been trying to find someone else to go with you, but it’s a busy day weekend and I don’t know who... I mean, you can go alone? Ugh, no, you can’t— Patrick, I’m so sorry,” Rachel turns around and sort of grabs at his hand but Patrick jerks away. Suddenly he realizes she grabbed at his phone, too, accidentally, and now it’s calling David. Shit.

“Hello?” David’s voice is faint and Patrick lunges forward and hangs up the phone.

“Shit!” He mutters and Rachel giggles. “It’s not funny! I was looking at my contacts wondering who could go and you hit my phone and called David!”

Rachel laughs harder. And then his phone lights up because David is calling him back, obviously. “Shit!” Patrick says again.

Rachel grabs the phone. “Hello?” She says, putting it on speaker.

“Um, hello? Did you just try calling me?”

“Hey David, it’s Rachel! Do you think you could do me a favor?”

No! mouths Patrick, but Rachel just pushes his arm and dances away from him.

“Um? Doing someone a favor is how I met you so please say it isn’t another wedding for you. Or do. I could use the work?”

Rachel laughs and sticks out her tongue at Patrick. He groans. “It’s just that I have this very important conference this weekend that I can’t miss and I’m having to bail on plans with Patrick so I thought you could go instead?”

There’s a long pause. “What day?”

“Next Saturday, the 17th?”

Another pause. “Um. I guess. Can you text me the details?” Patrick has visions of David trying to get out of a date with James and suddenly be wants to throw up, imagining David feeling that way about him. He would definitely feel that way if he knew it was a hockey game, Patrick’s pretty sure about that much.

“Yeah, I’ll have Patrick do it,” Rachel’s saying and David murmurs some sort of response and then she’s hanging up. Patrick groans again.

“He’ll hate hockey!”

“I know! You love that kind of thing,” Rachel seems thrilled. Patrick does like that kind of thing, teasing people like that. He can almost imagine forcing David on a date to a hockey game just to be mean and it would be hilarious but this isn’t a date.

“Oh my god,” he groans again, pushing Rachel lightly, but she just laughs some more and now Patrick is sort of stuck. He should cancel, come up with some excuse, but he already knows he isn’t going to.


	5. Chapter 5

David is only sort of freaking out. No, he’s definitely freaking out, like a lot. But. He’s in this now.

He didn’t tell anyone that he’s spending the day with Patrick. Not even Stevie, because he doesn’t need her finding out anything about the way he feels, and he knows his face would be way too fucking obvious if he brought it up. So instead he invented a fake date with a fake guy and Alexis is watching the shop for him until closing (“this is a very cute look for me,” she reassured him, even as he reminded her about the time she managed to kill off seven of his tamagotchis in just one day).

He’s meeting Patrick for dinner first, before whatever activity he had planned with Rachel but now decided David should do instead, at some restaurant David’s never heard of and honestly this whole thing is a nightmare. He’s pulled out his phone to cancel every day. But he can’t bring himself to turn down the chance to spend time with Patrick and god, he’s about ten times more pathetic than he thought — which is really saying something.

He changes his clothes three times before he settles on one of his favorite Neil Barrett sweaters and ripped black jeans. Basically what he’d wear any day, to dinner with Stevie or Alexis, because that’s what this is. Not a date.

Except the whole thing feels sort of like a date, and this is why David probably shouldn’t see Patrick again. Patrick is straight and married and David can just sort of ghost him and Rachel and hopefully find someone else eventually. So he’ll give himself today to just enjoy. It feels sort of like being back in high school or college, because David’s been pretty good at not getting crushes on straight boys since then but apparently all his self-preservation strategies are completely nonexistent.

So for now he makes his way to downtown Toronto, where he meets Patrick at a tiny hole in the wall dumpling restaurant. There are only a couple tables and there’s barely room to walk between the tables, but this is the sort of place David loves. Because he’s pretty sure the food is going to be delicious.

Patrick had been waiting outside the restaurant when David arrived, and when he saw David, his entire face lit up in a grin that made David have to look away. Now they they’re seated, and when Patrick pulls off his coat and toque, David’s mouth opens before he can stop himself. “Okay, what are you wearing?” He knows it’s a terrible thing to ask, but honestly, Patrick’s shirt is atrocious.

Patrick grins. “It’s a jersey,”

“I don’t know what that means,” David grimaces and shakes his head, looking down at his menu. He’s getting soup dumplings. And oh, they have pork buns. Those too, then.

“It’s a hockey thing,” Patrick explains and oh fuck.

“We’re going to a hockey game.” It’s so much worse than he thought. “You thought I would be a good companion at a hockey game.” Can he leave? Does it matter how rude he is if he’s never going to see them ever again? Twyla might hear about it and be offended but fuck, he can find a new cafe. Stevie would understand.

Patrick is blushing and also clearly reading David’s face, because he reaches out and grabs David’s arm before he can move. “Okay, don’t go. This is why I didn’t tell you. And it wasn’t.... just, I don’t know that many people in Toronto and Rachel thought....”

Sure. Rachel has so many great ideas, apparently.

But it’s very hard to resist a blushing Patrick, especially one who is still holding on to David’s arm. David glances down at his hand and Patrick snatches it away, blushing harder. God, this night.

Except somehow, it isn’t actually horrible.

The dumplings are delicious and David teaches Patrick how to eat soup dumplings (ie, not right away when they’ll burn your throat) and tells Patrick stories about Alexis’ travels and his old gallery. Patrick tells him about hiking through the US by himself after he graduated from college and how he met Rachel when he was seven. They talk about movies and apparently Patrick used to work at a Rose Video, which is horrifying. Also horrifying is his taste in movies. They all sound very sporty.

“I mean, don’t you get enough sports when you’re like actually watching them? Which we’re apparently about to do?”

Patrick grins. He smiles a lot and it’s terrible.

“I definitely don’t. It’s not the same thing at all. Besides, you might like this. Come on,”

Ugh, David is dreading his. As they stand up and he’s doing his best to avoid hitting anyone as he puts his coat back on, he can’t help but gesture dramatically to himself, “yes, this look definitely screams hockey fan,”

That makes Patrick laugh some more. “Don’t worry, you can wear my scarf so you blend in,”

“Absolutely not,” says David, horrified. Patrick laughs some more and yeah, this was a terrible idea.

****

It was a really terrible idea. Patrick should have invented some excuse to cancel because this is far worse than he imagined. He’s definitely, definitely into David. He’s never felt like this before, at all, and he’s horrified but the truly awful part is that he also loves it, just a little. He didn’t know it was even possible to feel this way and he just can’t help it. He can’t help it that David is beyond gorgeous in his black and white sweater and his cheeks turning red from the cold as they walk to the stadium. David has gloves and a hat but no scarf, so Patrick pulls out his blue and white Maple Leafs scarf but David acts like it’s truly some kind of torture device, so Patrick eventually puts it on himself, and neither of them can stop laughing.

David’s asking about the possibility of food, which is ridiculous considering how many dumplings they just consumed. “That was dinner!” David protests. “This would be snacking. Very different,”

“Obviously,” agrees Patrick, far too fondly.

He’s spent his entire life having plenty of friends and doing things like going to dinner and hockey game with his friends so this should feel perfectly normal, but it doesn’t. It feels like a date. Maybe because Patrick can’t stop flirting and it seems like maybe David is flirting, too. As they walk, their arms keep bumping into each other and when Patrick tried to give David his scarf, David had grabbed his hand and pushed him away and every time they touch, Patrick gets that burning feeling again. That feeling he’d never had before and he feels it everywhere. It’s exhilarating.

“Okay, so there have to be ground rules?”

“What?” Patrick has no idea what David is talking about now.

“For the game? I’m going, but please don’t spend the entire time explaining everything to me, unless I ask,”

“Sure,”

“And there really should be snacks. Isn’t that a sports thing? You eat while you watch?”

“Sure, David,”

“Okay, good. What are your rules?”

“Um. No starting any fights,”

“Oh my god, does that happen a lot?”

“We’ll see,” Patrick laughs and actually winks, which he is terrible at, which makes David stop looking quite so horrified as his entire face twists into one of his small, private half-smiles instead. Patrick loves those smiles.

“I’m really regretting this,” David grumbles and Patrick has to hide his own smile behind his hand, because David is regretting it but here’s here anyway.

The game isn’t even that awful in the end. David would admit it, Patrick’s sure, but David never backs down. He’s horrified again when Patrick buys them both beers, but he drinks his anyway, making a disgusted face after every sip he takes. Then David buys nachos which Patrick keeps stealing, even though David does his best to push his hands away each time.

Patrick also does his best not to talk the entire time, which is hard for him, but David actually asks some questions (only a few of which are horrified ones about the amount of injuries the players suffer) and Patrick can’t help but feel warm all over at the idea of David actually trying to learn about a sport. (At one point, when Patrick complains about the other team, David goes off on a hilarious rant about how all sports do is further divide people, which is really unnecessary in our current times of social and political divide. It’s ridiculous and Patrick can’t stop smiling at it.)

In the final quarter, David does his best to maintain that he’s learned nothing. “Oh, wait, are you pleased that guy hit the ball over there?” he teases and it’s a good thing the game isn’t actually close and that goal didn’t really imperil the lead the Leafs have, because Patrick knows he’s doing it on purpose.

“That’s the other team, David. And it’s called a puck,”

“Mmhmm,” agrees David, vaguely. “I guess your team does have the better costumes,” he adds a minute later. Patrick tried to stop himself from smiling. He knows David’s doing it on purpose.

“It’s a uniform,”

“Same thing,” argues David and now they’re both grinning at each other. Patrick leans over to grab one of the last chips and David squawks at him and grabs his hand. “Hey! Those are mine!”

“I thought you agreed we could share?” Patrick raises his eyebrows and admires David’s look of frustration. David’s still holding his hand, though, and Patrick can’t stop thinking about how soft and warm and large David’s hands are. He glances down at them, which is definitely a mistake, and David tries to let go. Patrick grabs his hand before he can move it and holds it, just for a minute, trying to remember what he was going to say.

“Patrick—-“ David starts, but he’s interrupted by the fans around them screaming and jumping into the air and then Patrick realizes the game is over.

****

Somehow David ends up walking Patrick home. He really, really doesn’t mean to, but he does it anyway. Fuck, he really hasn’t gotten any better at making healthy life choices, and this is one of the worst.

“Thanks for suffering through that,” Patrick smirks as they finally reach his house.

“It was awful,” David agrees. He hesitates now, trying to think of how to gracefully leave without looking any stupider than he already has this evening. “Well,” he begins but luckily Patrick interrupts him, which is good because David has no idea what he was about to say.

“Hey. David. I really don’t think....” Patrick trails off and looks around his street. “Um, can you come inside for a minute?”

No, no, definitely not. “Um. Okay?”

They’re both quiet while Patrick unlocks his front door and they go inside. Once the door is closed behind them and they’re in that little foyer David remember from last time, Patrick takes a deep breath.

“I just - I can’t - I shouldn’t—“

Suddenly David does understand. It’s so much worse than he thought. “Okay. So. Fine.” He’s glaring at Patrick and he really does hate everything. “Say it,”

He’s suddenly annoyed with everything. With himself and Patrick and Rachel and even fucking Twyla because in a way this is all her fault.

Patrick just stares at him and doesn’t finish what he was trying to say and then he kisses him.

David wasn’t expecting that at all but he grabs Patrick before he can pull away. He puts his hand on the back of Patrick’s head to hold him in place, and Patrick grabs his waist and pulls him even closer. David shoves him back and they stumble a little, into a wall, and then Patrick pulls them away and they’re in the living room, Patrick grabbing at his hips and then clutching his sweater which David usually hates but right now he barely notices.

It’s a really, really good kiss.

Patrick’s tongue keeps pushing against his and David loves that, loves opening his mouth and letting someone else in, and when he sucks just a little on Patrick’s tongue, Patrick moans against him and pushed him down on the couch. David strokes his shoulders, because he’s always wanted to touch Patrick’s shoulders, and they feel even better than he imagined. Patrick’s on top of him and pushing against him and he can feel how hard he is and he wants this to last forever but it really can’t.

He’s trying to remind himself of all the reasons they need to stop, but it’s taking a while for his brain to catch up, because he’s been thinking about Patrick’s mouth for months and now he’s finally sucking on Patrick’s bottom lip, which is just as delicious as he’d imagined. Patrick is gasping into his mouth, and David can’t stop himself from pulling Patrick down even harder, grinding together. Everything about Patrick is firm and steady and warm and it’s one of the best kisses David has ever had.

“Stop, stop, wait,” Patrick breathes against him suddenly and David freezes, obeying.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” Patrick is muttering as he struggles to sit up. David lets go of him and sort of helps push him up. It feels impossible to stop touching Patrick but then he does it anyway, because he has to. Patrick is clutching his own knee and David stares down at his hand, focusing on Patrick’s wedding ring, and hating himself more than he ever has before.

“I was about to just, um, finish,” Patrick says softly, and his face and neck are both turning pink. David wonders how far down his blush goes, but it’s not really something he’s allowed to find out. He hesitates and takes a deep breath.

Earlier, he’d wanted to hear Patrick tell him to leave but now he’s not sure he’ll survive that. The awful thing is he’s been here before, with straight guys or closeted guys or whatever the fuck Patrick is. It always hurts, to be told you’re good enough for fucking at night in secret but that’s it, and Patrick hasn’t said those words yet but David doesn’t want to hear them.

So he touches Patrick’s shoulder again, as lightly as he can, and because he won’t be able to again, and says, “I should go,”

Patrick just nods and doesn’t look at him.

David wants to kiss him again, wants Patrick to grab him and pull him back onto the couch, wants Patrick to push him onto his knees or bend him over or do a million other things, but that just can’t happen. He thinks of Rachel, how she was always laughing and happy as she planned their wedding, and he knows this is probably the worst thing he’s ever done.

But he can’t really help himself completely, so he leans over and cups the back of Patrick’s head again and kisses him one last time, soft and gentle and sweet, and then he leaves.

****

David leaves and Patrick can’t make himself get off the couch. He lays there, thinking about Rachel and their wedding and all the times they broke up, all the chances he had to stop this from happening, but he never took them.

And he thinks about David, too, the feel of his hands and his mouth and his body pressed against him. It wasn’t anything like he’d expected. It was so much better.

Rachel won’t be home until tomorrow, and Patrick is terrified he’s going to lose all his courage before that. So he opens up his phone and stares at his screen for a long time, trying to figure out what to say.

How was your night? Rachel texted him while he was walking home with David. He hasn’t responded yet, but now he finally does.

They won, he writes, which isn’t an answer. He wants to say “we need to talk” or “I have something to tell you”, but that’s not fair to Rachel, to have her read that text when she’s so far away and in the middle of an important weekend. So he stares at his phone a little longer and doesn’t say anything else. He turns it off and goes to take a shower and he doesn’t even pretend he’s going to do something other than think about David.

*

He waits up for Rachel the next day. He know she was work in the morning, but that’s the thing, she’s always busy. There’s never going to be a good time to do this. Except that what he’s realized the last few months is better to do it now than wait even longer... it’s been too long as it is.

“Oh, you’re still up,” she looks way too pleased about that and fucking hell, Patrick is the worst person in the entire world. But he’d be worse if he didn’t say anything.

“Rachel, I’m so sorry,” he blurts, before he can even think through what he’s going to say, and his voice cracks halfway through the word sorry.

She freezes in place.

“What the fuck, Patrick?”

“I’m gay,” he says, for the first time in his entire life, and he knows it’s the truth.

“What?” He’s never heard her sound like that.

“I’m so, so sorry that I didn’t... that I didn’t realize it before, and I wasn’t trying...I wasn’t trying to ever lie to you. I just - I couldn’t figure out...” he’s never known how to explain this part.

“But now you do?” Rachel has always been smart. “Wait, are you - did you like - did you meet someone? Did you cheat on me?”

He’s not sure if he’s nodding or shaking his head, but he’s crying now and it’s hard to see. “Um, yes, sort of. I didn’t really - but - I didn’t mean for anything to happen like that, I just—“ it feels like everything he could say would just be worse, would be even more hurtful. He’s trying to imagine all the times he’ll have to repeat this, to his parents and Logan and Keith and JJ, and he hates it so much.

But he already feels lighter, maybe lighter than he ever has in his life.

“So like. With David,” says Rachel flatly. She’s always been really, really smart.

“It wasn’t - it’s not his fault-“

“I didn’t say that I thought it was,” she snaps, angrily. “Stop saying that. I don’t think it’s your fault if you’re gay. I’m just - like. Why the fuck are we even married?”

She sits on the couch next to him, but they’re on opposite sides and they’re not touching, and he just shakes his head again.

“Goddamnit, Patrick. I thought I knew everything about you,”

She’s crying, too, and half of him wants to put his arms around her, but he’s pretty sure he forfeited that right when he kissed David on the same couch, so he doesn’t do anything. He just stares at his knees and whispers, “I’m sorry, Rachel, I’m so sorry,”

****

David spends the entire weekend working, which is a bit of a joke because he would never have done something like that before. He’d be getting high in a club or fucking someone else by now. He avoids Stevie, too, because she knows most of the terrible things he’s done, but this is just so much worse.

So he’s alone until Sunday night, when he closes the store and goes upstairs and finally makes himself some pasta, because that takes like, almost zero cooking knowledge. Even he can manage it.

He’s heating up sauce, too, when his doorbell rings, and literally every single person it could be sound like his nightmare right now, but then the bell rings again, several times, so he finally answers the door and it’s Alexis.

“Hey, David,” she greets him, leaning in to boop him on the nose. He swats her hand away.

“What are you doing here?” he snaps.

“Um, rude, David. I was helping Ted at his little vet clinic, and it’s so close to here I thought I could just stop by and hang out with you until he’s finished,”

“Mmm, really,”

"Yes, David, but not just because the vet place is so boring, but also because I haven't seen you in week, like, since Thanksgiving," she flaps her hands at him, and pushes past him to the stairs that go up to his apartment.

"Oh, cute, you're making dinner? So can I have some?"

Which is how, fifteen minutes later, they're both sitting at their grandmother's old table, eating pasta and red sauce and this is something they would literally have never done in their old life. Half of David has wanted to run away from Toronto ever since he kissed Patrick, but another part of him could almost love this life. He doesn't want to go.

Instead, he does something else, which he has literally never done.

He confides in Alexis.

"I kissed Patrick," he says, staring at his bowl of pasta.

"Oh, my God, David! Patrick? Like, Ted's friend? From the wedding?"

David groans and nods. Yes, he makes wonderful life decisions. 

“David!”

“I know! It was a mistake. Like. Obviously. He like just got married and he clearly isn’t gay and I’d never be his type anyway and I just... did it anyway... I really like him and I don’t even know why,”

Alexis twists her hands together and bites her lip, looking at him. “I mean, I have been in this position, like, the most times, David, so you know I’m not judging you,”

“You should,” he says, shortly. 

“Ugh, David, stop being so sad. You made a mistake and you won’t do it again and we’ll find you someone new!”

David glares at her, a little, but mostly it’s surprisingly nice, talking to Alexis. 

“I know! Let’s watch something crappy on TV and not think about Patrick for the whole evening, okay?”

“Okay,” David agrees, after a minute. 

*

Alexis ends up spending the night, which is weirdly sweet especially since he knows she was planning on seeing Ted again later. The next morning if feels less sweet, when she literally won’t leave his shop, and keeps rambling about her classes and how cute Ted is, even though his apartment is sometimes filled with dogs. She shows him Ted’s Instagram about five times and David wants to scream, but she’s trying so hard to distract him. 

He’s wondering if he can get away from Alexis for a few minutes by going to the cafe for lunch, or if he should never set foot in the cafe again, when the bell above his door rings and Alexis says, “oh my god!” and David looks up and it’s Patrick. 

Well, that definitely wasn’t supposed to happen. David freezes and stares at Alexis, who is making a horrified face back at him. 

“Patrick! You’re here!” she says and actually, this would be really funny if it wasn’t so abjectly terrible. “Um, so do you need, like, some flowers?”

“Uh, no. No. I was, um, I was hoping to talk to David,” 

Alexis is holding her hands up to her chest and looking between them and David still hasn’t said anything. He tries to give Alexis a meaningful look, but of course she isn’t going to leave. 

“Fine. Alexis, will you watch the shop while Patrick and I talk upstairs?”

“Um, are you sure—“ she begins but David rolls his eyes at her. 

“Yes!” he interrupts, “just don’t smash another vase,” he adds. 

“Okay, but that wasn’t really my fault!” she calls out after him, but he’s already sort of pushing Patrick to the door to the back room and up the stairs to his apartment and it seems better to get this over with than to argue with Alexis, even when she is so obviously in the wrong. 

****

Patrick didn’t really expect to see Alexis, and now he’s somehow alone with David in David’s apartment, and none of this is going at all like he’d planned. 

“Um,” David says, wrapping his arms around himself and not looking at Patrick. “So what are you....” he doesn’t seem to know what to say. 

“So you told Alexis?” Patrick asks, before he can stop himself. Something flashed across David’s face that he can’t read and then David shrugs. 

“Yes, I did, but she won’t tell anyone, don’t worry,”

“No, I wasn’t - that’s not what I - um. I told, um, Rachel,”

David finally looks at him. “What?”

“Yeah. I, uh. I didn’t expect any of this to happen. I thought - I thought I knew who I was, mostly, but I was - I’m just. I shouldn’t have married Rachel. For a lot of reasons, mainly because I’m gay,”

“Oh,” says David, softly, as if he’s surprised. “I’m sorry,” he adds a minute later. 

“No, no. It’s, um, it’s good. It was just - I never really - knew. Before. She and I just kept breaking up and getting back together and things never felt right, and I couldn’t understand why. I thought it was just me. Like I didn’t know how things should be. So we got married, and I knew it was a mistake, but I didn’t know - how much.”

He spent all weekend thinking about this, about what he’d say and how he’d try to explain how he felt, but it’s like everything is coming out wrong. 

“And then I met you and everything changed. You make me feel right. Even if...even if you shouldn’t. So I told Rachel and... I mean, we’re, um. Getting divorced,”

David doesn’t say anything to this. He’s looking at the door as if he’s about to run though it. 

“I’m sorry,” Patrick continues. “I shouldn’t have - I shouldn’t have - flirted with you and kissed you - that wasn’t fair to you at all. I’ve just never met anyone like you. And I like you so much,” 

David looks at him again, his eyes dark and staring at him. He can’t read David’s expression at all. “You do?” David asks, finally. 

Patrick laughs. “David! Was that not, um, obvious?”

David shrugs. “I don’t... I don’t know,”

“I keep thinking that none of this is fair to you. So I’m sorry. I just... I wasn’t trying to be...”

David shrugs again and turns away. “It’s fine, Patrick. I’m glad if you’re happier, now,”

“I also wanted to just. Like. See if you wanted to go on a date with me,” 

God, none of this is going how he’d planned. David has turned back to stare at him again and Patrick has no idea how to read his face. He’s having to force himself to keep looking at David, actually. 

“I mean. Didn’t we already do that?” asks David lightly. 

“I meant a real date, now that I’m not married to anyone else,”

“Aren’t you though?”

“Only technically,”

David’s doing his half-smile and glancing between Patrick and the door. Patrick can’t tell if he’s still thinking about escaping. 

“Well. Then okay. If you’re sure,”

“Saturday?”

David smiles even harder at that. “As long as it doesn’t involve any hockey,”

“I don’t know,”

“Okay, I put up with it once because I was doing a favor. I would never do that on an actual date,” 

But David’s entire face looks far too pleased to really take his annoyance seriously, and it’s such a goddamn relief to be able to look at his face and how beautiful it is and not have to feel guilty. He steps a little closer and grabs David’s waist and David’s mouth twists into a smile that brings out his dimples. He’s really, really beautiful. 

“Okay, then, Saturday. No hockey, I promise,”

“Good,” whispers David. His voice makes everything in Patrick pay attention, pulls him in, it’s done that since they first met. Now, because he can, he tightens his hands on David’s waist and pulls him closer. David smiles at him and puts his arms around his neck, resting them on his shoulders. David is watching him carefully, smiling as his eyes scanning Patrick’s face, and Patrick wanted to tease him but he can’t wait, so he leans forward and kisses David again. He’d thought their kiss the other night was amazing, but this one is so much better. This one is filled with promise and just like before, it’s almost impossible to pull away, but this time he doesn’t have to.


End file.
